Happy Mother's day!

So, in true lazy blogger style, I'm posting 2nd-hand material again. By 2nd-hand material, of course, I mean something that I prepared for another purpose that I am now posting here because I want people to be able to see it. This was a talk that I prepared for church today, so understand that when you're reading it. I added citations for the talks and scriptures in the text here. Other than that, happy mother's day!

This past general conference Elder Zwick told the story of a trip he and his wife were taking in a semitruck with their infant son. He mentions that there were no seat-belt restrictions or infant car seats at that time, but that his wife carried their son in her arms. During one part of the trip, going down the steep slope of Donner Pass, the cab of the semi suddenly filled with smoke. Elder Zwick attempted to stop by gearing down until the truck was going slow enough for the brakes to be effective. However, before reaching a full stop, he says: “my wife opened the door of the cab and jumped out with our baby in her arms. I watched helplessly as they tumbled in the dirt.” Elder Zwick rushed to them as soon as he had stopped the truck. He continues: “As my heartbeat normalized and I caught my breath, I blurted out, “What in the world were you thinking? Do you know how dangerous that was? You could have been killed!”

“She looked back at me, with tears running down her smoke-smudged cheeks, and said something that pierced my heart and still rings in my ears: “I was just trying to save our son.”

“I realized in that moment she thought the engine was on fire, fearing the truck would explode and we would die...I looked at my precious wife, softly rubbing the head of our infant son, and wondered what kind of woman would do something so courageous.”1

While Elder Zwick surely meant to praise his wife for her bravery, my scope today is a little broader. Sister Zwick was indeed the kind of woman that would do something so courageous. But in answer to Elder Zwick’s wondering question, the type of woman that would do something so courageous is the type of woman who gives of her body, her life, to care for others: a mother.

Howard W. Hunter conveyed this thought from the first presidency:  “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind.”2 My object in this talk is to help us better understand the role of motherhood, and its relation to the role of our Heavenly Father.

First, let us revisit the plan of salvation. God organized our spirits in the preexistence. He helped us grow and prepared us for the time when we would leave His presence and pass through our own mortal experiences. Because He created us, taught us, and nurtured us, He loves us. Furthermore, because of this love, His work and His glory is to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man (Moses 1:39). In short, He wants us to reach our greatest potential.

How does this compare with the role of our mothers? It is identical. Mothers form a deep bond with their children since before their birth. They give of their own body and strength in order to create a new body for their child. From birth until adulthood, mothers help their children learn, and grow, preparing them for the time when they must leave mother’s home and apply what she has taught them.

Throughout this entire process, mothers have their eyes set on the goal of real happiness for their children. They comprehend the eternal perspective, and know that this life is: “a probationary state; a time to prepare to meet God” (Alma 12:24). WIth Amulek, mothers exhort their children to “not procrastinate the day of [their] repentance until the end.” All of their teachings and admonitions, rules and rewards, worries and preparations, are based on what they perceive to be the best for their child’s life, not just in the moment, but for the entirety of their life. A mother’s joy comes in knowing that her children are striving to better themselves, to reach their fullest potential.

By the same token, as children we reserve a special spot in our heart for our mothers. For any of you who have engaged in any kind of missionary work, you will have come across people who, without even having an established religion, hold a surety of God’s existence. This is because there is some part within our soul that recognizes the reality of God. In much the same way, we understand the role of our mothers. We comprehend, in a way that transcends mere intellect, that our mothers are the reason and means of our existence. As such we listen to them, and their teachings stay with us throughout our lives, carefully guarded in a special vault in our hearts. Understanding this, then, we recognize the wisdom in Elder Perry’s reminder: “a parent’s teaching must never be devalued...This is especially true when we consider the teaching of values, moral and ethical standards, and faith.” 3 It is within the family that we receive the best preparation for eternal life.

I would share with you one of these teachings that I have received from my mother. I share it because my mother has always been quick to incorporate the gospel into our lives. I remember when I had lost a toy in my room (I wasn’t the cleanest of 9-yr olds). I asked my mom for help. Now, there was a variety of ways in which she might have responded. She might have come to help me look for it. She might have brushed me aside and told me it wasn’t important. However, what she did has stayed with me for the last 12 years. She suggested that I pray to ask for God’s help in finding my toy. Well, I did, and I found it. While I recognize God’s hand in helping a child find his toy, what sticks more in my mind is my mother’s faith and her focus on making God an integral part of our family.

I quote President Monson: “One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one.” 4

I laud all women who take upon themselves the trials of motherhood, my own mother especially so (for obvious reasons). However, I would direct our attention away from simply being grateful for our mothers. A mother is a prime example of a disciple of Jesus Christ. The traits of selflessness and self-sacrifice, of patience and love, of long-suffering and understanding, are Christ-like attributes that we have all been commanded to develop. We would be grossly lacking in our duty to Heavenly Father if the only thing we did on Mother’s day was give more thought than usual to our mothers. Rather, we should emulate them. What better gift can there be, to both our Father in Heaven and to our mothers on earth, than to apply what they’ve taught us, and become more like them? I submit that there is no greater gift that we can give on this day.

To that end, I challenge each of you to reflect on at least one way that your mother, or a mothering figure, has impacted your life, and then set a goal to impact someone else’s life in that same way. Was your mother caring? Then care for others. Did she notice small things and compliment you on them? Then do the same. Was she a beacon of the light of Christ, illuminating the world around her? Focus on how to increase your own light. Did she help you work through your problems, or care for you when sick? Look for opportunities to respond with that motherly, or Christ-like, love.

My favorite example of this comes from the Book of Alma, from the account of the 2000 stripling Lamanite warriors who had been taught so well by their mothers. However, it is not their bravery in battle that inspires me, in spite of of the fact that “they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.” No, what truly impresses me is that they emulated their mothers through their attitudes and actions. We read: “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their own lives” (Alma 56:47). Where did this attitude come from? Why this willingness to forego personal comfort and safety, and potentially die for their families? It is because they emulated their mothers. They learned all their mothers taught them, in word and example, and were diligent in applying those lessons.

Sheri Dew, then in the Relief Society general presidency, taught the following: “Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate.” 5 To better illustrate the impact that mothers have on their childrens’ lives, I relate the following story:

“A famed officer from the Civil War period, Colonel Higginson, when asked to name the incident of the Civil War that he considered the most remarkable for bravery, said that there was in his regiment a man whom everybody liked, a man who was brave and noble, who was pure in his daily life, absolutely free from dissipations in which most of the other men indulged.

“One night at a champagne supper, when many were becoming intoxicated, someone in jest called for a toast from this young man. Colonel Higginson said that he arose, pale but with perfect self-control, and declared: “Gentlemen, I will give you a toast which you may drink as you will, but which I will drink in water. The toast that I have to give is, ‘Our mothers.’”

“Instantly a strange spell seemed to come over all the tipsy men. They drank the toast in silence. There was no more laughter, no more song, and one by one they left the room. The lamp of memory had begun to burn, and the name of Mother touched every man’s heart." 6

Well spoken indeed is the proverb “A foolish man despiseth his mother” (Proverbs 15:20). Just as foolish as we would be to despise God. I close with this thought from President Monson: “Who can comprehend in its entirety the lofty role of a mother? With perfect trust in God, she walks, her hand in His, into the valley of the shadow of death, that you and I might come forth into light.” 7 Let us remember our mothers. Let us be in awe of them, even. However, let us also remember that, as they have risen to be better disciples of Jesus Christ, so too can we rise to those heights. May we honor our mothers by emulating them, by caring and nurturing others, and keeping alive the bright flame of faith in our own hearts.

Why why

Hello again, desolate blogosphere. If you were a tamagotchi you'd probably be dead. But you're not, so I have no digital guilt to deal with :)
Here's the usual disclaimer about this probably not making sense to anyone but myself, and about how I don't really care. This as as much a forum for me to try to express what is on my mind as it is to let other people know about it. Nothing I say here is externally sourced, unless explicitly stated, so understand that going forth. Without further ado, here goes:
The title has reference to the topic at hand: the word, and question, 'why.' (Anyone know the correct placement of a period with respect to a single quote?) Before I get to that, though, some context about our brains:
Everything we do, everything we are, everything we experience, is determined by choices. Our own choices as well as the choices of others. So let's dissect those choices a bit: we make choices because we desire certain outcomes. No accounting for taste, because everyone desires different (and sometimes even polar opposite) things. The guiding principle to look at right now is the fact that we make choices based on what outcomes we desire to occur. What ends up happening in our brains is a mapping of choice X to outcomes Y. In data structure words, Map<Choice, Outcome[]>. In other words, for every choice we perceive, our brain attaches consequences, or outcomes, to that choice. I'll give some examples and then talk a little bit more about this.
Example 1: for the choice "eating breakfast," some of the consequences my brain has attached to this are: "get energy for the day," "fill my stomach," "enjoy good food," "get less sleep," "have less money," and more. Clearly, the outcomes are not all bad, nor are they all good. However, they correspond with outcomes that I desire, such as "enjoy good food" and "get energy for the day." What clinches the making of the choice is not just that it fulfills some of my desires, but that the positive outcomes of the choice outweigh the negative outcomes thereof.
Example 2: for the choice of "robbing a bank," some of the consequences my brain has attached to this are: "get more money," "do something exciting and risky," "live with fear and guilt," "be arrested," "live in jail for the rest of my life," and so forth. While this choice has the potential to fulfill one of my desires, that of "get more money," the negative outcomes of this choice far outweigh the positive ones. Thus it is not a choice I am likely to make.
Hopefully this helps us understand the associations we create in our minds between choice and outcome, and how those associations, those mappings, guide our decision making process. However, it is important to recognize that those mappings of outcomes are not uniform in the weight they each pull. In other words, there are some choices whose outcomes we are very certain of, and other choices whose outcomes are not as certain. Even for a given choice, there can be outcomes that very between very certain and not very certain. This is because the act of mapping, or attaching an outcome to a choice, is creating a belief about that choice. No matter what the choice, our perceived outcomes are not anything that can be called "perfect knowledge." Even for something as mundane as "eating breakfast," my beliefs in the outcomes thereof are formed by my past experience. I don't actually have a perfect knowledge that eating breakfast tomorrow is going to give me energy for the day; rather, I have the strong belief that such will be the case. The strength of our belief of each outcome determines the weight that outcome plays in our consideration of the choice overall.
For example, going with the illegal-activity route again, it becomes very easy for someone who has stolen a lot to steal again. Partly because through experience they know how to do it better, but in their evaluation of the outcomes, the outcome "I will be caught" is very, very weak. Their experience has showed them so many times that they can steal without being caught, so that weakens that belief. Whereas it strengthens their belief that they can profit using very little work. Thus the choice is weighted heavily with positive outcomes, and lightly with negative outcomes. We can also experiencing a weakening in belief by lack of experience, or lack of recent experience, with a certain 'choice->outcome' mapping.

Okay, hopefully that all made sense. This was necessary background in order to understand the word, and question, 'why.' What is it we are asking when we ask 'why?' Well, there are many different circumstances where this can be asked, but I'll focus on one to start off. Someone tells me I should participate in a particular club. The question I ask is: "Why should I participate in X club?" or "Why this club?" Using what we've looked at above, we can see that what we're asking is really: "What outcomes should I attach to the choice of participating in X club?" or "What beliefs might I create about this club?"
The reason I have been pondering this is because on my mission I learned the importance of not asking "why." Something one of my companions would tell people all the time was to not ask "por qué," rather, "para qué." In English, it's best translated as not asking "why," rather, "for what purpose." And so it was that I was pondering what the question "why" really is asking. And it doesn't hurt that I was in the temple, either, while I was pondering this (I swear, it's like a window opens up in my brain when I go to the temple). But let's stay on track for a moment: the question, or word, 'why,' is only inquiring as to those beliefs we have assigned to the choices we make.
In this case we have been able to see 'why' used as a query for more information as to joining a particular club. Let's expand our horizons a bit: this act of mapping consequences, of creating beliefs, to different choices, is not limited to conscious choices. This applies to choices we make consciously as well as unconsciously. This applies to our actions, our behaviors, and our reactions. Thus we can apply the spread of the question 'why' a little further. We've seen it applied to a query for how to populate our own beliefs. However, let's think of other ways we use the word 'why.'
I might ask someone "why are you sad?" What I'm really asking is two-fold -- 1st of all, what happened in your life, and 2nd, what are the beliefs you have created about those events that are effecting this response in you right now? In this case, it's not likely that the person took conscious action to be sad. No, it was more likely a reaction. However, it is still based on the same principles. They have defined the event in their mind, whatever happened to them, and assigned to it beliefs of "I am sad."
Again, there are more 'why's. Like I said, in my mission we would tell people to ask "para qué" instead of "por qué." This is because many people would ask 'why' of God -- why did this thing happen, why did that thing not happen? What they are searching for there is similar -- a way to assign consequences to the events they observed. This happens often when we don't have enough experience with something to have created beliefs about it. We try, subconsciously, to populate that mapping, give that choice, that event, some sort of response so we know how to deal with it.
Of course, there are other, impersonal, 'why's, such as "why is the sky blue," "why is the Statue of Liberty green," "why do we only see stars at night," and many others. While these do not fit explicitly into our model, they do have similarities. These kind of questions are brought on by unpaired phenomena. More often than not, we observe something, and ask "what was the cause of this?" In other words, what were the circumstances (the 'choice') that brought about this occurrence I'm witnessing now (the 'outcome')?
The question 'why' strives to match cause and effect. Very often what is going on subconsciously is a desire to understand what happened in the past to bring about the future circumstances; this understanding will then allow us to make predictions about what will happen in the future. Because ultimately we want to achieve our desires in the future, and if we understand what are the events/actions that most effectively bring those about, then we will do those more.

Of course, this is all very subject to human perspective, which is FAR from perfect. This is also why it is so much harder for us to consistently make choices that are for our spiritual good, than it is for us to make choices that are for our physical/temporal good. With physical things, such as eating breakfast, we often have very frequent, and very immediate, reminders of the consequences of our choices. When I don't eat, I very soon am brought to understand that that choice does not help me. When I do eat, again, very quickly I am brought to understand that that choice helps me out. And we come across one of those events multiple times a day.
However, if I go a few days without reading my scriptures, it can take that long or longer to be reminded of what the true consequences of that choice are ("lack of the spirit," or "ingratitude," as some examples). Thus the strength of the beliefs attached to that choice are not as strong as are those of eating breakfast.
It is important to understand that our beliefs are not strengthened or weakened through experience alone. Indeed, we can look at the example above, of asking someone 'why,' asking them to populate that list for us. Our beliefs can be created, strengthened, or weakened by hearing the beliefs of others  expressed (of course the effect of that also varies from person to person, depending on the beliefs they have about trusting other people's opinions and beliefs. If that's too meta for you, just ignore it).
Thus we understand part of the importance of church and religious instruction: strengthening those spiritual beliefs. And indeed in things not strictly religious this is also present. There are countless instances of youth education doing exactly that: strengthening their beliefs about the effects of drugs, alcohol, and risky sexual behavior, among other things.

There are two takeaways that I've come up with through all of this. The first is perhaps a little trite, but I've realized that the word 'why' is somewhat of a weak word. It's an, albeit useful, placeholder for something a lot more complex that we don't realize. I personally am going to try to avoid its use, though I think it can still be somewhat useful in rhetoric (Look at that, correct use of "it's" and "its" in two consecutive sentences!).
The other takeaway I've gotten from this is a better understanding of how to affect one's choices. Something I've been struggling with lately is staying firm in the goals I've set since Christmas. It's lately become much harder for me to keep faithful to those goals. When I set those goals, I thought that I would just have to keep at them until such time as they became habits. Unfortunately, that didn't really happen. I realize now in retrospect that going through the motions of the goals did not allow me to see as much about the outcomes. As a result, my beliefs regarding those actions have weakened. So what I can do, I've realized since coming to these conclusions, is reinforce those beliefs. Just as one can listen to other people speak and thus have their beliefs reinforced, I can speak to myself in support of my beliefs, and strengthen them that way. There is true power in self-affirmation, especially when it is out loud.

Well I think that's all I wanted to express. Maybe this will interest you. Maybe not. どちらでも大丈夫です (Whichever one it is, that's fine). I do thank you, though, for taking the time to read through this.
As a reward, enjoy this thing I found on the internet.


And now it's....

That post when a school paper doubles as a postable thing

So I'm in the middle of the semester (not even), and life is CRAZY. Which means I haven't really had time to devote to writing in my blog. So I had this assignment for my Doctrine and Covenants class to write a paper about a "doctrinal dilemma." I thought I would ReduceReuseRecycle and use it here. The object was to base ourselves out of the D&C, but as you will see, my knowledge of the Book of Mormon is most readily available. Paper as follows:

Question: If the Holy Ghost speaks subtly to the mind and heart through thoughts and feelings, how can I more clearly distinguish between my own daily thoughts and feelings and inspired ones from the Spirit? When is it God, and when is it just me?

We know that “the Spirit giveth light to every man that cometh into the world” (D&C 84:46). That light, or the guidance of the spirit, can be and has been termed many different things, such as: impression, feeling, thought, impulse, etc. For the purposes of this paper, anytime I refer to any of these, I will simply use the word ‘impression,’ be it from the Spirit or of our own genesis. That said, it can be quite difficult to tell when an impression comes from the Holy Ghost, or whether it is a product of our own thoughts and feelings. Over the course of this paper I will first take a look at some of the characteristics of the Spirit, in an effort to help the reader be able to more readily identify those spiritual impressions. Then I will transition over to talking about why it is important that we can identify the Spirit’s voice, and how we can use that knowledge to be more secure in our decisions.

The Spirit impresses feelings upon us.
One of the sure indicators of the Holy Ghost speaking to us is by the way we feel. The scriptures are replete with examples of how the Spirit can make one feel: to Oliver Cowdery, for example, the Lord told him that in an affirmative response to a prayer, He would “cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right” (D&C 9:8). Other places in the scriptures identify different feelings, as well: in D&C 11:13, the Lord promises that the Spirit will “enlighten your mind [and] fill your soul with joy.” In D&C 85:6, the ‘still small voice’ “whispereth through and pierceth all things, and often times it maketh my bones to quake.”  We are reminded that the Holy Ghost, upon testifying to the Nephites, “did pierce them to the very soul, and did cause their hearts to burn” (3 Nephi 11:3). One of my favorite instances of the Lord’s instruction regarding the spirit was another communication to Oliver Cowdery, in which the Lord told him that divine communication would come “in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost” (D&C 8:2). As we have impressions, and are trying to decide whether they are spiritually or internally sourced, we can remember this key, that the spiritual impression will have both a mental and emotional aspect to it.
Ours is the task of learning to recognize the voice of the Spirit as He talks to us. In that regard, it is much like learning another language. It is a process of attuning our spiritual ears to pick up on the nuances of communication that we are not used to hearing in our day to day life. As a note of caution, though, let us not be misled into limiting our range of hearing to what is explicitly described in the scriptures. As unique children of our Heavenly Father, we also communicate in unique ways, of which the Holy Ghost will be very aware. He will not communicate to me the same way He communicates to my brother.

The Spirit leads us to do good.
The way we feel is not the only recourse we have when trying to determine whether impressions come from God or from ourselves. Another thing we can remember is that the Holy Ghost “leadeth to do good— yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously” (D&C 11:12). If we are having a hard time discerning our feelings, then another tactic we can try is to look at the results of the impression we are considering. Mormon teaches us that “that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every [such] thing is inspired of God” (Moroni 7:13). If we can think about the results and consequences of acting on our impression, then we can more surely determine if it is of God or of ourselves. For example, an impression to look at our patriarchal blessing definitely inviteth to do good continually, and may well be from the Spirit. However, an impression to read our patriarchal blessing instead of home teaching is more likely just a distraction thought up by our own mind. It is important to look not only at the content of the impression, but the reach and effects thereof.

The Spirit knoweth all things
Just as we can tell that an impression comes from God based on the effects of its completion, we can also discern the true nature of an impression by looking at the genesis of the impression. In other words, did we know enough to come up with the impression? D&C 35:19 teaches us that “the Holy Ghost…knoweth all things,” which includes things about other people as well as things about education. An impression to make cookies for someone else might be a personal impression, if you know they’re going through a hard time. On the other hand, if you receive an impression to make cookies for someone you hardly know, and have probably talked to 2 or 3 times, it’s probably because the Spirit knows more than you about what that person is going through. Furthermore, we are taught that a person can receive certain gifts of the spirit; “to others it is given to prophesy” (D&C 46:22). Again, if our impression doesn’t seem to make sense in our current context, it may very well be that it is preparing us for something that is yet to come.

We are assured the presence of the spirit when we are obedient.
Another helpful tool in our arsenal of Spirit identifiers is conducting a quick examination of our own obedience. President James E. Faust taught this about the Holy Ghost: “The gift of the Holy Ghost comes after one repents and becomes worthy.” Conversely, if we are not striving to repent and be obedient, there is a very low likelihood that we are being led by the Spirit. The Lord explicitly stated that “he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her…shall not have the Spirit” (D&C 42:23). Many other sins, or staying in sin, will have the same effect. However, if we keep ourselves clean, and “let virture garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly, then…The Holy Ghost shall be [our] constant companion” (D&C 121:45-46).

Ask, and ye shall receive
One of the things that often happens is that we forget that revelation is really a two-way communication. Many times we expect the Lord to just give us what we need. While He does know our needs, he has instructed us time and time again to “Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (D&C 4:7, emphasis added). In D&C 6:14, He tells us “as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time” (emphasis added). So when we have an impression, we should think about whether it’s something that we’ve thought to bring before the Lord, or whether we’ve only been mulling it over in our own heads (and if the latter is the case, we should think very strongly about bringing it before the Lord before acting on it).

We should do many things of our own free will to bring to pass righteousness
We’ve seen many different tools associated with the receipt of impressions that we can use to determine whether they are of God or from within. However, it is also important to recognize for what purposes God gives us the guidance of the Holy Ghost. It certainly isn’t so that we may be “compelled in all things;” on the contrary, God wants us to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause…and bring to pass much righteousness,” because ultimately, we are “agents unto [our]selves” (D&C 58:26-28). So why have the Spirit? Lehi gives us a glimpse at the answer in 2 Nephi 2:5: “Men are instructed sufficiently they know good from evil.” Where does that instruction come from? The Holy Ghost. This is further clarified by Mormon: “the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil” (Moroni 7:16, emphasis added).  Thus we can see that the Holy Ghost isn’t going to tell us every little thing we should do though it does play a fundamental role in our understanding of right and wrong. The point I’m trying to make here is that just because an impression comes from within instead of from God, doesn’t mean it’s bad. Quite the contrary. “Sometimes the Lord hopefully waits on his children to act on their own, and when they do not, they lose the greater prize” (Ezra Taft Benson). The Lord hopes to bring us to the point where we can make good decisions because of how much we’ve changed through repentance.

When we ask in the Spirit, we ask according to the will of God
This is the most important principle out of all the ones I will be introducing today. D&C 46:30 reads: “He that asketh in the Spirit asketh according to the will of God, therefore it is done even as he says.” There is a difference between asking, or acting, because of a spiritual impression, and acting in the Spirit. The people of King Benjamin clarify this for us: “The Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which as wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2). There is a point in our conversion process (or perhaps better described, a series of flags along our road to conversion) where we have learned so much about the will of God, and have obeyed it, that the Spirit is able to change our heart, effectively aligning our desires with those of God. Another perfect example of this is Nephi, son of Helaman, to whom the Lord promised: “all things shall be done unto thee according to thy word, for thou shalt not ask that which is contrary to my will.” (Helaman 10:5). This may seem unrelated to the dilemma at hand; however, I submit that our goal in life should not be to always be able to recognize the Spirit, but to always be able to work righteousness. When we reach the point in our conversion that was experienced by the people of King Benjamin, or by Nephi, we can start applying some of the aforementioned tools to our impressions, and find that they always indicate an inspired action. We will reach the point where our own desires will be to come closer to God, for “every one that hearkeneth to the voice of the Spirit cometh unto God, even the Father” (D&C 84:47).

In closing, I would like to emphasize that we should be aware of the Spirit’s impressions. I don’t want to give the impression that they’re not important. After all, “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things” (Moroni 10:5). What I am trying to get at is that at some point, knowing whether we’re acting because of a direct impression from the Spirit, or because of our own righteous desires, isn’t important. For me, the key to it all is the following passage from D&C 6:36: “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” Because if confusion about whether an impression is from God or from ourselves causes us to not act on an inspired impression, that is the real tragedy. Let us, then, not doubt. The reason why I decided to make use of the term ‘impression’ throughout this paper was because that’s ultimately what we need to be seeking. The source of the impression isn’t so important as long as we are looking unto God in every thought, and steadily making our way along the path back home to Him.

James E. Faust, “The Gift of the Holy Ghost—a Sure Compass,” Ensign, Apr. 1996, 4
Ezra Taft Benson, “Not Commanded in All Things,” General Conference, Apr. 1965

True selflessness; a journey of self discovery

The subtitle to this post is in reference to the fact that I have not actually obtained true selflessness, but to reflect the fact that I am figuring out more and more about it. This is specifically an area of my life that I determined during the winter break that I wanted to change. Far too often my first, last, and only thoughts are of me. I realized this in my vast amounts of free time, reflecting back on my friendships and interactions over the previous semester. To some degree I already referenced this idea in my Frozen post, talking about the transition I'm making to be less self-centered and more focused on the needs of others. For any student of said post, you will recognize that it is initially through the loving acts of those around me who have opened up my understanding of this topic. However, all I achieved at the writing of that post was to recognize that I was lacking in that area, and I didn't have a very good idea of how I was to proceed in order to become more selfless.
Let's be clear: I don't suddenly have the answers to life, but I have taken a step along the road to understanding this particular topic. The reasoning behind this lies in the last 2 hours of my life, so bear with me as I tell a little story:
Context: I've been quite taken in by the dance classes here at BYU. I took two last semester, learning and improving on dances such as the cha cha, waltz, tango, west coast swing, and others. Naturally, I am continuing in that progression of dancing this semester, and my continual improvement and liking of dance brought me to decide I wanted to audition for the ballroom team. Now, this being winter semester, there weren't that many spaces open, but I decided to try out regardless, not really expecting to get in but having at least hope of doing well. Auditions were this evening, starting at 7:00 (19:00). So naturally I've spent a large portion of time practicing for said auditions (we were to dance american cha cha and waltz). I felt pretty good about it. I also knew that some of my friends were going to audition, and to some degree that made me nervous. I don't have a very large competitive streak, but sometimes it comes out, especially when I'm feeling at a disadvantage. However, I was able to push all those thoughts away when I was preparing for the auditions tonight, choosing instead to just go and have fun (part of that preparation being an hour long nap before I went to the audition, as being on campus from 8 until 5 tends to drain one of all energy).
It actually might have been that decision that weakened my performance, though to be fair every time I'm about to perform I get hyped (thank you high school theater :), which extra energy I think made me a little sloppy. Whatever the reason, I was cut from the first round (there were 3). But I didn't let myself get down about it, after all I went to dance and have fun! What was very exciting was that all 3 of my friends who were also auditioning made it to the third and final round. One of them even made team, with the other two being held as alternates during this semester in case they need to pull up extras.
Now, what this has to do with my topic of choice is while I was there, watching them continue, I felt as if there were two choices I could take: I could either be bitter and harbor bitter feelings against my friends for their success (the selfish path), or I could be genuinely happy for their success. And just like that, I made the decision. As I watched them, I truly was excited for them as they continued to advance. It was something so foreign to me, the fact that I was happy even though nothing was benefiting me in any way. I completely forgot any rancor I might have had and just enjoyed it. However, my point of realization came as I was returning home. I was not only happy, but also felt a desire to go spend time with other people. I was bemused as I understood that yearning, because I had just done something very social and generally that drains my willingness to continue spending time with other people. Even when I do have the energy to go spend time with other people, it's usually self-serving: I usually go because I want to spend time with them, or because there's some objective (playing games, eating food, or just generally relieving boredom) that benefits me. However, what I realized in my trajectory home was that I didn't have the urge to spend time with other people because it might benefit me, but because I was feeling so happy and I wanted to share that happiness with other people. Just like that, then, it hit me: that's the key. That's the key to being selfless. When my interactions with others, or my thoughts of others, are centered around to helping them, lifting them up, instead of what I might gain from the exchange, that's when I am truly being selfless. This may seem trite and insignificant in writing. I don't know that I can really describe how I was feeling in that moment. But it was pretty exciting to recognize that feeling; now I can have a greater surety that I can reach that stage of "thaw the frozen heart." I don't know that I'm there yet, but I recognize that within me lies a great capacity for selfless thinking and action. It is partly due to that feeling that I sat down to write this post. Because I didn't actually go spread my happiness to other people, I'm writing this to remind you all to smile and be happy :) ::::) (even spiders smile). So yeah. That's kind of the point of this post. I love you all and want to you be happy. So do it!
Here's something that makes me happy:
:D

A spark of creativity

This is going to be one of my more wordy posts; indeed the topic at hand is more of a lexical intrigue, so if word usage and choice isn't of much interest to you you might not get what it is I'm trying to explore throughout this post.
As always, I give fair warning that many of my posts here are, by their nature, not very polished. I write on my blog not to have some shiny finished product to offer, rather as a means of developing and shaping that which is in my brain, getting it out on 'paper' in some way.
The topic at hand comes from some reflection on the Creation (with a capital 'C') and the various accounts we have of it. The most common account, of course, is that of Genesis (ch. 1), which describes the creation with very powerful vocabulary: "created" (v. 1, 21, 27), "make" (v. 26), "made" (7, 16, 25, 31). This account has always evoked images of, well, genesis. Creation. In brief, the existence of something that simply wasn't there before, I always assumed, somewhere in the back of my head, that God merely spoke and the world was. From nothingness there became something. But this is only one account.
Upon reading in the book of Abraham (in the Pearl of Great Price) one finds very different vocabulary at use (ch. 4): "organized" (v. 1, 12, 14-16, 25, 30), "formed" (1-2), "form" (26-27), "ordered" (7, 9, 11, 18), "prepare" (11, 20-21, 24). To me, these words speak more of shaping something already there, of manipulating some pre-existing matter. I think they are all very well summed up by the verb "to organize." One very good definition of "organize" as found on the interwebz is: "arrange into a structured whole; order."
Now, hold on a minute, both the Genesis and the Abraham accounts speak of the same event, right? Written by different prophets (Moses and Abraham, respectively) at different times in mankind's history, it is probable that when the revelations were received they were each directed to the people of that time period, using language and a direction best suited to the spiritual maturity of the people in that time. We know that the people whom Moses led were not exactly quick to follow the Lord; see the subsequent 4 books of the Pentateuch for evidence of that (i.e. Law of Moses). Thus it is not surprising to see that things were dumbed down for them. However, we can assume by the same logic that Abraham's family/people/contemporaries (we really don't know a lot about him) had a larger understanding of the universe and were more obedient to the Lord, thus were able to understand something a little more in depth regarding the organization of this world.
The thing that really got to me, though, besides just comparing these two accounts, was realizing that not only was the event they were describing the same, just on differing levels of understanding, but that really, the words they use are the same. Obviously, if you put in ("create" == "organize") you're going to get returned a big fat boolean FALSE. The words themselves are, of course, different. But the thing they describe is actually the same. What did God do when He created the earth? He organized the matter that was there. (This of course makes perfect sense with our best theory of how the world came to be, the big bang, which states that the world came together out of drifting, unorganized, matter, most of it basic stuff like hydrogen. Now unfortunately, it would seem that Abraham and his compatriots were not nuclear physicists, or perhaps we would have a better idea of how God acted on those basic particles to shape them into a solar system and a world and everything else. As we stand, though, and as far as the purposes of this post, I'm going to shelve those questions and return to the lexical discussion at hand.)
So what is creation, then? We know that God "organized...the earth" (Abr. 4:1), "divided the light" (:4), "ordered the expanse" (:7), "the waters...gathered together" (:9), "organized the earth to bring forth grass" (:11), "organized the lights" (:14), "prepared the earth [to bring forth animals on it]" (:24), and "form man" (:26), but there doesn't seem to be any evidence of him blatantly bringing new material into existence. Even with our own spirits, God didn't pull us out of nowhere, rather we learn that Abraham was shown "the intelligences that were organized before the world was" (Abraham 3:22, emphasis added). Indeed, the laws of science stipulate that matter cannot be made nor destroyed (laws of conservation of mass/energy). So what was the process used to create our world, but careful and well planned organization of the fundamental building blocks of the universe? What is the creative process in and of itself, but organization of surrounding materials and ideas? This leads me to my first realization, that to create is to organize.
Where this is of greatest import to me, however, is personally. For my entire life I have characterized myself as one devoid of any creative ability. I continually excuse myself or under represent myself by stating simply "Oh, I can't/couldn't do that, I'm not very creative." Because to me, being creative or exercising creative ability has always meant being able to pull ideas out of nowhere. Bringing substance from the void. Now, however, I'm starting to gain a greater appreciation for what is going on inside of "creative" people's heads. Just as the earthly creative process involved assembling and ordering blocks of matter, any other kind of creative process merely involves assembling and ordering ideas, thoughts, stories, characters, designs, colors, songs, words, etc. That's pretty easy to say, but to actually do it is another matter entirely. I'd take a guess that most people aren't even aware of this when they create. The building blocks that go into their works are brought in over their lifetimes and filter through their subconscious, where they gradually build up until noticed by the awake brain. It is there they start to become something new.
There's a scripture in Proverbs that was very helpful to me in understanding this new meaning of "to create" which is found in chapter 3 verses 19-20:
"19 The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.
 20 By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew."
I like this passage for several reasons; primarily it is speaking of God's power over the earth including the founding thereof (note the verb used: found). Moreover, it is the attributes of the Lord by which He affects all these things that really caught my attention: by His wisdom he hath founded the earth. By His understanding hath he established the heavens. By His knowledge the depths are broken up and the clouds drop down the dew. By looking at these three attributes, wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, we can better understand how the creative process works. After thinking about it, I ordered them thus:
1) To create, you must first understand the resources at your disposal. You must be able to get a sense of what you have around you before you can ever hope to use them to create, or organize, something. As a writer, having words in my head isn't going to do me any good if I don't understand what they mean or what they connote, what feelings they evoke when put together in a certain way. You must first understand the building blocks from which you can draw.
2) To create, you must then have the knowledge to put them together. God has a knowledge of how all physical matter interacts; that is how he is able to manipulate it however he wants. A sculptor has a knowledge of how his medium is best shaped, of how to carve the wood or chip the stone so it will look exactly how he wants it to appear. To create you have to have knowledge, or experience, in assembling your creative building blocks.
3) Above all, you must have wisdom in order to create. Your ideas must amount to something. No one can just start putting words in sequence and hope that they will weave a great story. You must have wisdom, or a vision, of what it is you want your building blocks to assemble into. Perhaps that is why we still look to the creation/organization of the earth as the supreme example of creation; not only was it the largest scale creation ever accomplished (that is known about among humankind), but it also has the most sublime purpose; the perfect environment to pass through our mortal journey and gain the preparation we need in order to return to live in God's presence again (see 1 Nephi 17:36).
In this light I begin to understand that I really am a creative person. I think back to my mission, where at a certain point I started using certain teaching strategies, or making changes to our apartment, that I hadn't done before nor seen done before. When my companion commented on one of them, I told him (and myself) that it wasn't anything I hadn't already seen one of my previous companions do. However, that wasn't entirely true. What I had done was take an idea or a concept that I had observed from a former companion, and then I ordered it to fit the new situation. In reality, it was not was I had seen my companion do; it was based from that, but that was merely a creative building block in the process of creating something new.
The implications to this, for me, are enormous. It means that my range of what I define as "creative," or "creation," has vastly expanded. It means that I can no longer tell myself or others that I am "not a very creative person" without doing some serious reflection, upon which I will probably realize that I actually can create. It means that I can stop feeling like I can't take credit for things I produce when the inspiration comes from outside sources (because that what all creation is; taking bits and pieces from outside sources and shaping them, forming them into my own). More than anything, it helps me be more creative myself.
The implications are not limited to the secular realm only. Another implication of this realization is that I have a better understanding of the journey we must make to become more like God and Jesus. To help explain what I mean by this consider the following:
The Egyptians believed in two basic, opposing forces in the universe: isfet and ma'at; chaos and order. In their pantheons the gods were upholders of ma'at, preserving the existence of creation against the degradationary effects of chaos. Isfet, or chaos itself, was sometimes given form in the shape of a giant snake apophis that regularly did battle with the sun god Ra. (An interesting aside, we know that Abraham spent some time in Egypt; I wonder how big the flow of ideas was the went between the two.) To the Egyptians, ma'at was the symbol of good and of order, while at the same time being representative of their gods.
Not only has my understanding of creativity increased, but my appreciation of the divine nature of creativity has deepened. I've come to realize that acts of creation are acts of divinity, reflecting potential within us to improve on our estate and return to our Father in Heaven. Therefore, I am more aware of those around me who create, and I can appreciate that they are striving to unlock their divine potential.
I also understand that creation can take place in many different forms. There are the more obvious ones, done by authors and artists and architects, musicians and dancers and singers, but there are also the creative works that take place under the hands of teachers and mentors, who create a better person, or a more capable student. Any organization of existing resources in the wisdom of creating a better society, or person, or simply creating a new idea, is an act of good and also an expression of gratitude to He who bestowed those talents and abilities in the first place.
So let me be just one more among thousands and millions who create every day. This simple blog post, like my others, is nothing special, and isn't seen by many, but I do intend it, to some degree, as a means of thanks to God who gave me my inquisitive and analytic mind. I intend to continue discovering more about myself and about this life while I can, looking for enlightenment and understanding in the world around me.
That's as far as I've thought through this for now. I might add more as more thoughts come to mind, but this seems to be pretty inclusive. Best to have it all written out than to have it lost in the recesses of my mind. Though it's strange to think; I never would have spent this much time on a paper for school I guess that shows where my priorities lie (not in English class!).
That's enough from me for now. Take a break from my monotony while enjoying some of my favorite creative people:


And another:

Merry Christmas

Well, it's been another Christmas. My first white Christmas in 3 years. It's been a good one. I love low-key family events, the ability to just chillax, not go outside at all, and eat and play with family. In honor of this special time and what it represents, I thought to attach a letter that I prepared for some of the wonderful missionaries whom I know. I already sent it off to them, so they would get it before Christmas, but I think that my thoughts are applicable to anyone. So, without any edits, here it is, my missionary Christmas letter:
"At this time last year I was biking around the small town of Chascomús (pcia. de Bs. As.) in short sleeves, sweating profusely. On Christmas eve, after enjoying a barbecue at the mission president’s house and then an asado at a local member’s house, we returned to our apartment and delayed sleep until about midnight because 1) it was so hot anyways it was hard to get to sleep and 2) the fireworks started up at midnight. The next day, on Christmas, we celebrated by skyping with our families from the church computer, and then...just doing missionary work. Trying to visit people, clap houses the usual. And as was also usual in Chascomús, we did so without much success.

"This year I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to leave Utah because of the snow which on Thursday canceled flights and grounded planes (luckily my flight was on Saturday, so I missed that). Both in Utah and here at home, snow covers the ground. I retreat indoors to keep warm and drink eggnog. I enjoy various christmas programs from my student and home wards. My focus is much more personal, focused on my school work (or presently, resting from it) and trying to figure out my future. And yet, between the two experiences, there is something in common. That is Christmas. Stated with the greatest simplicity by President Monson in this past Christmas devotional, “To catch the real meaning of the spirit of Christmas, we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the Spirit of Christ.”

"There is something that ties every experience together, both mine and those of other people, from this year, years past, and years to come, be they seasonal or random, joyous or tragic.. That tie is the fact that each experience had on this earth are for our learning. They are an essential part of our eternal progression, as we exercise the great gift of our agency and search to return once more to our heavenly home. I know my place in that search, as do you. We know our roles. But something that this special season helps us remember is why that search has an end. why it is ultimately possible to arrive in our Father’s presence once more. That reason, very simply, is Jesus Christ.

"In this eternal plan of salvation exist the competing demands of mercy and justice. Without Christ’s sacrifice (a 1-time act) and mediation (a continuing act), we would all forever be subject to justice. And that’s not part of God’s plan (see Alma 42:13-14; heck, while you’re at it, go ahead and study the whole chapter!). I just heard a wonderful talk in my home ward’s sacrament meeting/christmas program where the speaker (the Boston, Massachusetts Mission president) commented on the humble circumstances into which Christ was born. He especially focused on the fact that Christ had complete control over where and how He was to be born, and that the fact that He was born into such humility should teach us something about how to act. I take that one step further, pointing out the ultimate sacrifice Christ made, which was to humble himself before His Father and take upon Him the bitter cup.

"We, too, need to act with such humility before God, and recognize that we are constantly tracing out our path in the plan He has set for us. Let us follow Christ’s example as we remember his birth this Christmas season, and not yearn for the glories of men or to be lauded on high. Instead, let us be content with the shepherds’ song, the manger for a bed, and be constantly grateful to our Father in Heaven for all He has given us. As a natural follower to the holiday of thanksgiving, let us not lose that spirit of thanksgiving in the festivities of Christmas. We depend on God. We are lost without Christ. We need the strength and continual guidance of the Spirit. This gospel is the anchor to our souls, the beacon which shines even into our hearts.

"As someone who has already completed my term of missionary service, I can testify to you that wherever you are is exactly where the Lord wants you. He is deeply interested by the things that happen to you and is lovingly aware of every moment. I hope that during this Christmas season you can gain a greater sense and appreciation of His love for you, especially since you are on His errand, and that through you, those whom you teach and contact can also feel that love.

"It is because of God’s love for us that He sent His Son to earth. So let us remember that love, that we may share it, as He would have us do, with the rest of His children.

"I know that what I have shared and written is true. I know that this church, the one on your name tag, is led today by Jesus Christ himself, through a living prophet. The Book of Mormon, more than any other book, testifies of Christ and His divine purpose among us and for us. Having this good news in my life brings me peace from doubt, joy in times of stress, and love in spite of contention.

Thank you for your service, and continuing example. Learn from this experience the most you can, be willing to change and learn from the past. Be open to the inspiration of the spirit and the counsel of your companion and leaders.

"Most of all, be happy :)

and have a Merry Christmas!

-Jansen H. McQuivey"

There it is. Enjoy your Christmas, or what little there may be left of them (on the east coast it's already 11:35), but remember to keep the spirit of Christmas, or of Christ, with you for the whole year.

And of course, enjoy this amazing video (#lovethepianoguys):

Thaw the Frozen heart

A bit of introduction: I'm always very analytical about things, and more so since I've come back from my mission. I attribute this to the practice I had analyzing and looking for applications for things from the scriptures. Well, since being back home I've found that analytic approach starting to apply to other things, especially movies. Hence the somewhat recent post about Hunger Games. Well, another movie I saw over the thanksgiving break was Frozen, Disney's latest installment. Fair warning, I will be speaking about the movie as if you had already seen it, so if you haven't seen it yet you might want to let it pass.

My thoughts about the movie have focused themselves on Elsa, and the transformation she undergoes through the movie. As is natural for me, the thinking also translates itself to personal application as an aid for deeper self-understanding. So in the interest of streamlining and clarifying my thoughts, I will start off talking about Elsa and the changes she goes through, then include an aside in the end for how it applies to me.
Throughout the course of the movie, Elsa undertakes a journey of self-discovery that traces several different steps, progressing from a limited understanding of self and low interaction with others, until she gains a full understanding of who she is and how to use that to help others. The first stage in her progression is the stage I like to call "I don't want to build a snowman." Having discovered the danger inherent within her abilities, Elsa withdraws from all, even her sister. This is the proto- stage of her development, as she traps herself inside her own fears. This is no better description of this stage than the lines she herself sings in dreading anticipation of her own coronation:
"Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know." 
Unfortunately, it would seem that this, the "I don't want to build a snowman" stage, is the stage she spends most of her life in. It is characterized by placing higher value on the opinions of others of her, rather than on her own self-evaluation. This leads to an exaggeratedly high level of self-restraint (well demonstrated by the lack of contact with the outside world). She deals with her problems by avoiding them ("But it's only for today"). In this stage her attitude very much resembles ice: cold, distant, and untouchable.

However, as is wont to happen, that changes. Elsa's life shifts dramatically when her secret is revealed and she runs away, unable to deal with the fact that her control slipped. At this point, she is still in the first stage, her running away prompted by the avoidance aspect of her personality. However, while in the mountains, she progresses to a different stage, one I call "The cold never bothered me anyway."
The key to the transition between this stage and the previous one is the realization that other people's opinions and expectations don't need to govern Elsa's actions and attitudes. Again, this phase is well described by her own words:

"It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free"

Elsa is no longer driven by the cares and opinions of others, but she has overshot the mark. Her attitude now is entirely the reverse of what it was before: she values only her self-estimation. She has lost all restraint. She has found "freedom," but only insofar as she has progressed from an outward-dependent attitude to a self-dependent one. She is, on the surface, more confident, more able, but at her core she is still ice. The difference being that she displays different qualities of the ice:

"Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous!
Ice has a magic, can't be controlled
Stronger than one, stronger than ten
Stronger than a hundred men!"

The irony of the "The cold never bothered me anyway" stage is that, while thinking she is control, in reality Elsa is completely out of control. This is evident from the altercations that proceed from her interactions with Anna, and the resulting loss of control that she experiences as she is taken prisoner by Hans and the resulting blizzard.
Indeed, there was only one thing that could get her to progress past that stage and into the final one, which I call the "Thaw the frozen heart" stage. It was accepting a true act of love. Anna's act of true love was genuine, and because of it she thawed. However, the change wrought in Elsa happened as she accepted that Anna truly cared about her, truly loved her. This forced a(nother) realignment in perspective. Elsa realized that she couldn't live her life aloof from the opinions and thoughts of those around her; that while she didn't need to be subservient to them, she couldn't completely ignore them, either. Her restraint was restored, but to a happy medium. She knows what she is capable of, but also has a more egalitarian approach to life.
This is because her sister's act showed her not only that she is loved, but it also thawed out, or unlocked, her own heart so that she, too, might love others. This is what brings about the biggest change in her, and what allows her to exist in this new, stable, state; she has learned to love. In a sense, Anna's act of love thawed out Elsa's heart, which in turn was able to fill with love for her people. She has learned to put the needs of others first, and allow those needs to permeate her existence. She is no longer buffeted about, fearing the judgments of others, nor is she so removed as to give no thought to what those around her need. It is this stage that she finally begins to find fulfillment, as she is able to serve and at the same time come into her own abilities and personality. It was necessary for her to pass through the other stages in order to reach this stage, but the key to reaching the "Thaw the frozen heart" stage was in accepting those acts of love which were done towards her.

"An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart."
A heart full of love will keep the frost at bay.

I classify this last stage the most "real" of all the stages. I think that, to some degree, it is the stage to which all of us are trying to get to. But it takes some doing, especially because for most of the time we are not aware of the journey as we are taking it. Perhaps part of the reason I was able to break Elsa's progression down like this is because I am seeing a similar pattern in my own life. Though I definitely came at it from a different direction. To not bore you with the details, I started realizing that I was not as focused as I would like to be on other people; I kind of go about my own life without much thought to other people. I set a goal for myself, a while back, to give more compliments to people, but it hasn't gone anywhere, mainly because I just don't notice other people. I'm sure there's something there regarding the way my brain processes information, but that's food for further thought. What really made this whole thing stand out to me was when I realized that as hard as it is for me to notice other people's good points, it is just as hard for me to accept compliments from others. So I started wondering if maybe there's a connection between the two.
This, combined with the thinking about Frozen, and Elsa's progression, made me realize that I am, to a degree, still too much in the "The cold never bothered me anyway" stage. I've probably been in this phase for almost the last two years, and it has probably intensified upon returning home from my mission. And just like Elsa, I was content to be in that phase, content to be "free." I was eager to echo her triumphant exclamation: "Here I stand in the light of day/Let the storm rage on." But I've realized that that's not enough. It's not enough to merely provide for my own needs, to "see what I can do," or to care only about my improvement. In order to accomplish a stable state of being, of self discovery, it is of paramount importance that I learn, as did Elsa, how to make sure that those around me are a vital part of my life. As what happened with Elsa, I have had many demonstrations of love shown towards me this past semester. No one turned into an ice statue in order to protect me from physical harm, but my friends have been invaluable supports to me in helping me get through hard moments, and even just sharing a meal and conversation. Little by little, those acts have been piling themselves up until I couldn't help but notice that for some reason, other people care enough for me to help me out. It's really a humbling realization, because I know that there's no innate virtue of awesomeness within me that just makes people want to be nice to me; rather, there are just some really nice and awesome people in the world (and luckily, in my peer group) who have already learned how to love and have helped to thaw out my own frozen heart.

Just as Anna's hands show the signs of her love and determination, my life is marked by the efforts of my friends.

Now, I still have a ways to go before I can magically create skating rinks in the middle of summer, but I feel confident that I know what steps i can take in order to progress to the "Thaw the frozen heart" stage. I can accept the acts of love that people offer me. I can pay more attention to those around me. I can reciprocate those acts with my own acts of service. I can listen better. I can lift those around me. I can take more time out of my schedule in order to spend more time with my friends. More than anything, I can trust in the guidance of the spirit, and trust in my Heavenly Father to help me turn my thoughts and desires toward the benefit of others. Contrary to what the trolls tell Anna: "People don’t really change," change is real and it is possible. Elsa underwent a lot of change in an effort to find out who she really was as a person and queen. Christ suffered the atonement to give us the real possibility of changing, of becoming better than we are. And as part of His plan of salvation, we are all here on this earth together, with opportunities all around us to serve and love.
Consider this a public recognition of my best groups of friends that I had the opportunity to meet this semester, and with whom I am excited to return this coming year. As with the doors of Arendelle, I intend to not close myself off to the world again.
As always, thanks for reading!