I decided on this for a few reasons; on one hand I've had a lot of moments in the last few weeks that really just make me grateful to be alive and to be having this earthly experience. Some of examples of that are: going to the temple, seeing the marvelous sunsets of Utah valley, spending truly quality time with amazing people who bolster me up and around whom I'm not afraid to be myself. On the other hand, I try to maintain a positive outlook, and for those experiences where my life isn't completely amazing I remind myself that that is also part of this experience, having to pass through sorrow. It's so I can better appreciate all the truly great things about my life. So when it's 12:30 am and I have just finished the night's shift (roving a few buildings in heritage) and I have to ride my bike back up 9th east to get to my apartment and crash for the night, I remind myself that it really does feel good to be alive. When I get overwhelmed with classes and thinking that I'm never going to pick it up, that it's just going to be always hard for me, I remind myself that I've already learned a ton of stuff this first month of the semester and that I should trust in the Lord's help to get me through a rough day of classes.
I've made a slew of personal life-decisions, in the process of coming home from my mission; deciding what I would or wouldn't do in my life from now on. One of those that I will share is not speeding. That doesn't mean that I never sped, but that I have taken the decision from now on that it is more important to follow the law (D&C 134 and AofF 12) than to follow my own desires for speed or punctuality. Many of these decisions are based on scripture and/or counsel of the living prophets. But this circles back around to the above because, as anyone who followed my letters while I was on my mission, especially in February and March of this year, you'll understand why I made the decision in my life from now on to be happy. Now obviously, it's not something that I can control especially well; I am human, after all. But I decided to change my disposition to a happier one. Thus #itfeelsgoodtobealive is an attitude I am striving to develop. I'd rather have laugh lines than worry wrinkles, when I'm through with it all. One of the greatest helps to me in that respect is the eternal perspective that I continually renew.
It can be so easy to get lost in day to day stresses and worries. Heaven knows that I get enough of that from college. Which is why it is indispensable that I continually remind myself of the real purpose of my life. The knowledge I have of the eternal scheme, of this life and the next, is just that, knowledge. I can think on it, study it, but as a purely intellectual pursuit it ultimately bears no fruit. No, the doctrines of eternity are things that must be studied out in the mind and the heart, borne out intellectually and spiritually. And the spirit is strengthened by constant prayer, scripture study (personally and in institute), temple attendance, church-going, and studying the words of the living prophets. Which is why I took the opportunity this past weekend to go up to Salt Lake City, to the conference center of the church where the prophet of the Lord, along with his counselors, the quorum of the 12 apostles, and other general authorities of the church, addressed the world. They spoke on personal and interpersonal matters, on how to build our faith and that of others. They fed my spirit. And most of all, they reminded me that #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
Below are some pictures from the day.
I think a lot, about a lot of things. And sometimes I fear that if I never record them, they will get lost in the dusty corners of my brain. So that's what I'm mostly going to use this blog for, I think, getting those thoughts out. They're mine, and mostly I come to a realization of them as I ponder on my life and the gospel. Something I was thinking about in the last week or so was missionary work, but more than the work itself, the individual missionaries. I think about them a lot, having been one myself and now seeing so many more go out into the world, many of them taking their first steps and training close by here in Provo. Some time ago a friend of mine on facebook posted a link to an article/book talking about "the fourth missionary." I had come across this idea on my mission; basically it describes how missionaries end up falling into 4 different categories; the first 2 at varying levels of disobedience, the 3rd at an acceptable level of obedience while still keeping his head down, and the 4th as a missionary who really goes above and beyond, who really comprehends that he was called to preach the living gospel of the living Christ, and that the reward is the salvation of souls.
I was pondering on these concepts, especially with regards to the missionaries I knew on my mission (and myself). My intent is not to agree with nor challenge the ideas presented by "the fourth missionary," rather to present a new view of personal development and progression by missionaries in the field. I actually started thinking about this in the last transfer meeting in my mission, before the one that sent me home. Just some background, for those of you who haven't served in la mejor misión del mundo (the best mission in the world): every transfer (every 6 weeks when the opportunity for a change of area/companion came up) all those who were being transferred, and their companions, assembled in the stake center of Banfield (where the mission president lives). There we found our new companions, caught up with old friends, and most interestingly (to me) listened to the testimonies of the departing missionaries. I found a lot of common themes among those testimonies, reflected by the lives of people I know who have already come home from their missions. It is those themes that I want to link together and tie in to my own thoughts:
There are 4 types of missionaries. Each type is determined by the attachment they create while on their mission (hopefully what I mean will become clearer as I continue):
Type 1 is the missionary who never got over leaving home. He is the "trunky" missionary who constantly thinks of home, counts down the days until he goes home, and honestly wouldn't mind that much if the mission president were to send him home early. At his closing testimony, he makes some parting jab about how he is going to be able to do X (watch movies, sleep in, etc.) in two days that the other missionaries can't do for being on a mission. Type one missionaries end up adjusting extremely well at home; too well, some might say, falling right back into exactly the same patterns he followed before his mission.
Type 2 is the missionary who loves the people. He really does. He had a bit of trouble adjusting at first, but then he threw himself into the culture. He walks, talks, eats, and sleeps like the people of his mission. He has at least 2 or 3 families in every area that have adopted him as their son and he promised them all that he would come back to see them... some day. At his closing testimony, he gives shout outs to all of those families that are there to see him, even tearing up thinking about how he won't be able to eat the mamita's food anymore. Type two missionaries end up having a hard time adjusting after they return home; they spend a lot of time communicating with their loved ones from the mission.
Type 3 is similar to type 2, but instead of becoming attached to the people/culture of his mission, he becomes attached to the missionary badge on his chest. For him the return home is equally challenging because his identity has been stripped of him; he doesn't remember how, nor does he initially desire, to participate in the activities of his past.
Type 4 missionaries: type 4 missionaries become attached to the gospel of Jesus Christ. They understand why they're on their mission, and why it is important during that time to be detached from the things they have left behind. They work hard to implement all the things their leaders teach them, not because they're missionaries and it's what they should do, but because that's how they can honor their calling and responsibility to the Lord. These missionaries testify about the doctrine, and have increased in many of their attributes of Christ. When they return home, the transition isn't hard for them because really, nothing changed for them. Their point of attachment, the gospel of Jesus Christ, is the same in their home as it was in the mission field. Their external circumstances change, but they continue steadfast in the path towards exaltation.
Of course, these are types of missionaries. Just like the types within literature, they are not categories rather common themes. The idea is not to say: Elder so-and-so is a type 2 missionary or that guy was such a type 1 missionary, rather to help us be aware of some of the things that happen with missionaries, and how we can increase our devotion to Christ and His gospel.
Again, these are just my thoughts. You may disagree, or agree, or, just not care (based on how many people actually read my last blog post, I'm assuming that the latter is going to be most wide spread). This serves me just as well as an outpouring of my thoughts whether people read it or not.
EDIT: so I started writing this after going to the temple this morning. Turns out to have been the perfect preparation for the rest of the day. I found out that an RA from Helaman just up and left, and so I'm getting recruited into his spot. I've got another week here in the FLSR, probably, and then it's moving again (let's see... my 7th time this year?). There's going to be a lot of change. Past next week, I can't honestly say I have any idea whatsoever what is going to become of my life. And even so, #itfeelsSOgoodtobealive. I just can't shake that fact. When I first got back from the temple this morning, and felt that overwhelming reassurance about the goodness and progression of life, I thought I knew what it was trying to prepare me for. Turns out the Lord knew what curveballs would be coming my way, and so was able to give me the adequate preparation to handle them with grace (actually, the phrase "handle them with grace" is so much more appropriate than what I have time to explain right now). In short: God is good. We are His children. He knows what's best for us, knows that optimal path, and if we just give Him time to tell us it makes all the difference. Miracles are real. The fact that I'm not a stress case right now proves it. Also the fact that I've just been smiling all day, even though it's been rainy and chilly. Some people probably thought I was crazy. And that's why #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
That was long. Sorry! Your reward for having made it all the way through is this video. It has swords. And the avatar.
Okay! Good bye!
GOODBYE!! Space Sword!!
ReplyDeleteSo happy that you're finding the joy in the journey--even at 12:30 a.m.
ReplyDelete