The weight of responsibility

Okay, I'll admit that this title makes the content of this post seem a lot more serious than it really is. But it is what I wanted to talk about today. in reality, I've been wanting to post this for the past week, but my professors have all decided to have midterms this week, so my life has been consumed by studying for said midterms. I don't have all the grades back, but I think it paid off. Anyways, they've been preventing me from having any time for other things in my life. But never fear, the weekend is here! So let's just skip to the chase:
A little over a year ago, on the Saturday of general conference, I received a phone call late at night. It was my district leader telling me what the transfer changes were to be. I had already been in Hudson for 4 transfers, almost 6 months, and so I was not surprised to find out I was leaving. However, the destination was somewhere that surprised me: Chascomús (click the link to look at the place. Zoom out a bit. Notice how there are no other cities. Zoom out a little further. See how there's still nothing?). I had never been there before, but I had heard it mentioned in the mission. However, recognizing that hearsay is not worth anything, I decided to put on a good attitude about it and hope for the best. Come the following Monday, at transfer meeting, I started talking to the missionaries who had been in that area within the past year. Phrases like "12 people in sacrament meeting" (that's people total, not investigators), "terrible bikes," "expensive area," and an aside from the missionary who I was replacing about how my new companion needed some substantial help with the language, made me start wondering if this was something I was really up for. But that's not something I could afford to spend time thinking about, or it would severely discolor my initial experience. However, it stayed at the back of my mind, as an almost physical weight on my shoulders. I remember very clearly having the thought "so, this is what responsibility feels like." Chascomús turned out to be, indeed, a trying experience for me. I also wouldn't trade it for anything; I know that's where the Lord needed me to be, and where He had prepared for me certain experiences vital to my learning.
Fast forward to a little over a week ago, the date of my last post, in fact. For anyone who took the time to read it, I mentioned how I was told I was going to have to go to Helaman Halls to fill in for an RA who left. Well, that's where I am RIGHT NOW. That's right, I moved in this morning. But in the last week I've had some time to prepare myself for this moment. Let's just start off by clarifying: I've never held any fondness in my heart for Helaman. It's a different style of life from what I'm used to, and change isn't something I've been very good at, historically. But the change was inevitable, much like how my going to Chascomús was inevitable. I've actually had a better transition than the one I described on my mission, but again the thought crossed my mind: "so this is what responsibility feels like."
I'll clarify; this isn't a negative thought to me. It is perhaps a little trepidatious, if only due to the knowledge that: 1) I don't know what's going to happen, and 2) I am now responsible for the well-being of all these guys. It's definitely a sign of my personal maturity; I know that a few years back I would have wanted nothing to do with this level of responsibility. And I can understand that Peter Pan mentality of never wanting to grow up, never wanting to have to accept more responsibility. But God's plan is not very conducive to stagnation. Rather, it is based on eternal progression. Part of the takeaway of my mission is an understanding of why I need to strive for self-betterment. It is because I understand what the ultimate goal is, and am willing to put momentary comfort at risk for that goal. Yes, the burden of responsibility can be heavy. But by bearing it, my muscles become accustomed and eventually strengthen themselves, preparing to lift even greater burdens. So it is with joy that I accept this new stage in my life. I could find 100 things I don't like about it. But I choose to focus on the one thing that really matters: for some reason, this is where God wants me to be. There is something I can learn, or someone I can help, that is part of His plan. There's a reason Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorite scriptures: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding./In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I don't know why I'm here, and ultimately I don't need to. I just need to know, and have faith, that the Lord is directing my paths, and the paths of others. Which I do know.
Well that's all for know. I don't have any fun pictures or videos. Gee, I'm boring. Why do you read this, anyways? Good night! Go take the sacrament tomorrow, it'll be amazing.
Signing off.