This is going to be one of my more wordy posts; indeed the topic at hand is more of a lexical intrigue, so if word usage and choice isn't of much interest to you you might not get what it is I'm trying to explore throughout this post.
As always, I give fair warning that many of my posts here are, by their nature, not very polished. I write on my blog not to have some shiny finished product to offer, rather as a means of developing and shaping that which is in my brain, getting it out on 'paper' in some way.
The topic at hand comes from some reflection on the Creation (with a capital 'C') and the various accounts we have of it. The most common account, of course, is that of Genesis (ch. 1), which describes the creation with very powerful vocabulary: "created" (v. 1, 21, 27), "make" (v. 26), "made" (7, 16, 25, 31). This account has always evoked images of, well, genesis. Creation. In brief, the existence of something that simply wasn't there before, I always assumed, somewhere in the back of my head, that God merely spoke and the world was. From nothingness there became something. But this is only one account.
Upon reading in the book of Abraham (in the Pearl of Great Price) one finds very different vocabulary at use (ch. 4): "organized" (v. 1, 12, 14-16, 25, 30), "formed" (1-2), "form" (26-27), "ordered" (7, 9, 11, 18), "prepare" (11, 20-21, 24). To me, these words speak more of shaping something already there, of manipulating some pre-existing matter. I think they are all very well summed up by the verb "to organize." One very good definition of "organize" as found on the interwebz is: "arrange into a structured whole; order."
Now, hold on a minute, both the Genesis and the Abraham accounts speak of the same event, right? Written by different prophets (Moses and Abraham, respectively) at different times in mankind's history, it is probable that when the revelations were received they were each directed to the people of that time period, using language and a direction best suited to the spiritual maturity of the people in that time. We know that the people whom Moses led were not exactly quick to follow the Lord; see the subsequent 4 books of the Pentateuch for evidence of that (i.e. Law of Moses). Thus it is not surprising to see that things were dumbed down for them. However, we can assume by the same logic that Abraham's family/people/contemporaries (we really don't know a lot about him) had a larger understanding of the universe and were more obedient to the Lord, thus were able to understand something a little more in depth regarding the organization of this world.
The thing that really got to me, though, besides just comparing these two accounts, was realizing that not only was the event they were describing the same, just on differing levels of understanding, but that really, the words they use are the same. Obviously, if you put in ("create" == "organize") you're going to get returned a big fat boolean FALSE. The words themselves are, of course, different. But the thing they describe is actually the same. What did God do when He created the earth? He organized the matter that was there. (This of course makes perfect sense with our best theory of how the world came to be, the big bang, which states that the world came together out of drifting, unorganized, matter, most of it basic stuff like hydrogen. Now unfortunately, it would seem that Abraham and his compatriots were not nuclear physicists, or perhaps we would have a better idea of how God acted on those basic particles to shape them into a solar system and a world and everything else. As we stand, though, and as far as the purposes of this post, I'm going to shelve those questions and return to the lexical discussion at hand.)
So what is creation, then? We know that God "organized...the earth" (Abr. 4:1), "divided the light" (:4), "ordered the expanse" (:7), "the waters...gathered together" (:9), "organized the earth to bring forth grass" (:11), "organized the lights" (:14), "prepared the earth [to bring forth animals on it]" (:24), and "form man" (:26), but there doesn't seem to be any evidence of him blatantly bringing new material into existence. Even with our own spirits, God didn't pull us out of nowhere, rather we learn that Abraham was shown "the intelligences that were organized before the world was" (Abraham 3:22, emphasis added). Indeed, the laws of science stipulate that matter cannot be made nor destroyed (laws of conservation of mass/energy). So what was the process used to create our world, but careful and well planned organization of the fundamental building blocks of the universe? What is the creative process in and of itself, but organization of surrounding materials and ideas? This leads me to my first realization, that to create is to organize.
Where this is of greatest import to me, however, is personally. For my entire life I have characterized myself as one devoid of any creative ability. I continually excuse myself or under represent myself by stating simply "Oh, I can't/couldn't do that, I'm not very creative." Because to me, being creative or exercising creative ability has always meant being able to pull ideas out of nowhere. Bringing substance from the void. Now, however, I'm starting to gain a greater appreciation for what is going on inside of "creative" people's heads. Just as the earthly creative process involved assembling and ordering blocks of matter, any other kind of creative process merely involves assembling and ordering ideas, thoughts, stories, characters, designs, colors, songs, words, etc. That's pretty easy to say, but to actually do it is another matter entirely. I'd take a guess that most people aren't even aware of this when they create. The building blocks that go into their works are brought in over their lifetimes and filter through their subconscious, where they gradually build up until noticed by the awake brain. It is there they start to become something new.
There's a scripture in Proverbs that was very helpful to me in understanding this new meaning of "to create" which is found in chapter 3 verses 19-20:
"19 The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.
20 By his knowledge the depths are broken up, and the clouds drop down the dew."
I like this passage for several reasons; primarily it is speaking of God's power over the earth including the founding thereof (note the verb used: found). Moreover, it is the attributes of the Lord by which He affects all these things that really caught my attention: by His wisdom he hath founded the earth. By His understanding hath he established the heavens. By His knowledge the depths are broken up and the clouds drop down the dew. By looking at these three attributes, wisdom, understanding, and knowledge, we can better understand how the creative process works. After thinking about it, I ordered them thus:
1) To create, you must first understand the resources at your disposal. You must be able to get a sense of what you have around you before you can ever hope to use them to create, or organize, something. As a writer, having words in my head isn't going to do me any good if I don't understand what they mean or what they connote, what feelings they evoke when put together in a certain way. You must first understand the building blocks from which you can draw.
2) To create, you must then have the knowledge to put them together. God has a knowledge of how all physical matter interacts; that is how he is able to manipulate it however he wants. A sculptor has a knowledge of how his medium is best shaped, of how to carve the wood or chip the stone so it will look exactly how he wants it to appear. To create you have to have knowledge, or experience, in assembling your creative building blocks.
3) Above all, you must have wisdom in order to create. Your ideas must amount to something. No one can just start putting words in sequence and hope that they will weave a great story. You must have wisdom, or a vision, of what it is you want your building blocks to assemble into. Perhaps that is why we still look to the creation/organization of the earth as the supreme example of creation; not only was it the largest scale creation ever accomplished (that is known about among humankind), but it also has the most sublime purpose; the perfect environment to pass through our mortal journey and gain the preparation we need in order to return to live in God's presence again (see 1 Nephi 17:36).
In this light I begin to understand that I really am a creative person. I think back to my mission, where at a certain point I started using certain teaching strategies, or making changes to our apartment, that I hadn't done before nor seen done before. When my companion commented on one of them, I told him (and myself) that it wasn't anything I hadn't already seen one of my previous companions do. However, that wasn't entirely true. What I had done was take an idea or a concept that I had observed from a former companion, and then I ordered it to fit the new situation. In reality, it was not was I had seen my companion do; it was based from that, but that was merely a creative building block in the process of creating something new.
The implications to this, for me, are enormous. It means that my range of what I define as "creative," or "creation," has vastly expanded. It means that I can no longer tell myself or others that I am "not a very creative person" without doing some serious reflection, upon which I will probably realize that I actually can create. It means that I can stop feeling like I can't take credit for things I produce when the inspiration comes from outside sources (because that what all creation is; taking bits and pieces from outside sources and shaping them, forming them into my own). More than anything, it helps me be more creative myself.
The implications are not limited to the secular realm only. Another implication of this realization is that I have a better understanding of the journey we must make to become more like God and Jesus. To help explain what I mean by this consider the following:
The Egyptians believed in two basic, opposing forces in the universe: isfet and ma'at; chaos and order. In their pantheons the gods were upholders of ma'at, preserving the existence of creation against the degradationary effects of chaos. Isfet, or chaos itself, was sometimes given form in the shape of a giant snake apophis that regularly did battle with the sun god Ra. (An interesting aside, we know that Abraham spent some time in Egypt; I wonder how big the flow of ideas was the went between the two.) To the Egyptians, ma'at was the symbol of good and of order, while at the same time being representative of their gods.
Not only has my understanding of creativity increased, but my appreciation of the divine nature of creativity has deepened. I've come to realize that acts of creation are acts of divinity, reflecting potential within us to improve on our estate and return to our Father in Heaven. Therefore, I am more aware of those around me who create, and I can appreciate that they are striving to unlock their divine potential.
I also understand that creation can take place in many different forms. There are the more obvious ones, done by authors and artists and architects, musicians and dancers and singers, but there are also the creative works that take place under the hands of teachers and mentors, who create a better person, or a more capable student. Any organization of existing resources in the wisdom of creating a better society, or person, or simply creating a new idea, is an act of good and also an expression of gratitude to He who bestowed those talents and abilities in the first place.
So let me be just one more among thousands and millions who create every day. This simple blog post, like my others, is nothing special, and isn't seen by many, but I do intend it, to some degree, as a means of thanks to God who gave me my inquisitive and analytic mind. I intend to continue discovering more about myself and about this life while I can, looking for enlightenment and understanding in the world around me.
That's as far as I've thought through this for now. I might add more as more thoughts come to mind, but this seems to be pretty inclusive. Best to have it all written out than to have it lost in the recesses of my mind. Though it's strange to think; I never would have spent this much time on a paper for school I guess that shows where my priorities lie (not in English class!).
That's enough from me for now. Take a break from my monotony while enjoying some of my favorite creative people:
And another:
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas
Well, it's been another Christmas. My first white Christmas in 3 years. It's been a good one. I love low-key family events, the ability to just chillax, not go outside at all, and eat and play with family. In honor of this special time and what it represents, I thought to attach a letter that I prepared for some of the wonderful missionaries whom I know. I already sent it off to them, so they would get it before Christmas, but I think that my thoughts are applicable to anyone. So, without any edits, here it is, my missionary Christmas letter:
"At this time last year I was biking around the small town of Chascomús (pcia. de Bs. As.) in short sleeves, sweating profusely. On Christmas eve, after enjoying a barbecue at the mission president’s house and then an asado at a local member’s house, we returned to our apartment and delayed sleep until about midnight because 1) it was so hot anyways it was hard to get to sleep and 2) the fireworks started up at midnight. The next day, on Christmas, we celebrated by skyping with our families from the church computer, and then...just doing missionary work. Trying to visit people, clap houses the usual. And as was also usual in Chascomús, we did so without much success.
-Jansen H. McQuivey"
"At this time last year I was biking around the small town of Chascomús (pcia. de Bs. As.) in short sleeves, sweating profusely. On Christmas eve, after enjoying a barbecue at the mission president’s house and then an asado at a local member’s house, we returned to our apartment and delayed sleep until about midnight because 1) it was so hot anyways it was hard to get to sleep and 2) the fireworks started up at midnight. The next day, on Christmas, we celebrated by skyping with our families from the church computer, and then...just doing missionary work. Trying to visit people, clap houses the usual. And as was also usual in Chascomús, we did so without much success.
"This year I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to leave Utah because of the snow which on Thursday canceled flights and grounded planes (luckily my flight was on Saturday, so I missed that). Both in Utah and here at home, snow covers the ground. I retreat indoors to keep warm and drink eggnog. I enjoy various christmas programs from my student and home wards. My focus is much more personal, focused on my school work (or presently, resting from it) and trying to figure out my future. And yet, between the two experiences, there is something in common. That is Christmas. Stated with the greatest simplicity by President Monson in this past Christmas devotional, “To catch the real meaning of the spirit of Christmas, we need only drop the last syllable, and it becomes the Spirit of Christ.”
"There is something that ties every experience together, both mine and those of other people, from this year, years past, and years to come, be they seasonal or random, joyous or tragic.. That tie is the fact that each experience had on this earth are for our learning. They are an essential part of our eternal progression, as we exercise the great gift of our agency and search to return once more to our heavenly home. I know my place in that search, as do you. We know our roles. But something that this special season helps us remember is why that search has an end. why it is ultimately possible to arrive in our Father’s presence once more. That reason, very simply, is Jesus Christ.
"In this eternal plan of salvation exist the competing demands of mercy and justice. Without Christ’s sacrifice (a 1-time act) and mediation (a continuing act), we would all forever be subject to justice. And that’s not part of God’s plan (see Alma 42:13-14; heck, while you’re at it, go ahead and study the whole chapter!). I just heard a wonderful talk in my home ward’s sacrament meeting/christmas program where the speaker (the Boston, Massachusetts Mission president) commented on the humble circumstances into which Christ was born. He especially focused on the fact that Christ had complete control over where and how He was to be born, and that the fact that He was born into such humility should teach us something about how to act. I take that one step further, pointing out the ultimate sacrifice Christ made, which was to humble himself before His Father and take upon Him the bitter cup.
"We, too, need to act with such humility before God, and recognize that we are constantly tracing out our path in the plan He has set for us. Let us follow Christ’s example as we remember his birth this Christmas season, and not yearn for the glories of men or to be lauded on high. Instead, let us be content with the shepherds’ song, the manger for a bed, and be constantly grateful to our Father in Heaven for all He has given us. As a natural follower to the holiday of thanksgiving, let us not lose that spirit of thanksgiving in the festivities of Christmas. We depend on God. We are lost without Christ. We need the strength and continual guidance of the Spirit. This gospel is the anchor to our souls, the beacon which shines even into our hearts.
"As someone who has already completed my term of missionary service, I can testify to you that wherever you are is exactly where the Lord wants you. He is deeply interested by the things that happen to you and is lovingly aware of every moment. I hope that during this Christmas season you can gain a greater sense and appreciation of His love for you, especially since you are on His errand, and that through you, those whom you teach and contact can also feel that love.
"It is because of God’s love for us that He sent His Son to earth. So let us remember that love, that we may share it, as He would have us do, with the rest of His children.
"I know that what I have shared and written is true. I know that this church, the one on your name tag, is led today by Jesus Christ himself, through a living prophet. The Book of Mormon, more than any other book, testifies of Christ and His divine purpose among us and for us. Having this good news in my life brings me peace from doubt, joy in times of stress, and love in spite of contention.
Thank you for your service, and continuing example. Learn from this experience the most you can, be willing to change and learn from the past. Be open to the inspiration of the spirit and the counsel of your companion and leaders.
"Most of all, be happy :)
and have a Merry Christmas!
-Jansen H. McQuivey"
There it is. Enjoy your Christmas, or what little there may be left of them (on the east coast it's already 11:35), but remember to keep the spirit of Christmas, or of Christ, with you for the whole year.
And of course, enjoy this amazing video (#lovethepianoguys):
Monday, December 23, 2013
Thaw the Frozen heart
A bit of introduction: I'm always very analytical about things, and more so since I've come back from my mission. I attribute this to the practice I had analyzing and looking for applications for things from the scriptures. Well, since being back home I've found that analytic approach starting to apply to other things, especially movies. Hence the somewhat recent post about Hunger Games. Well, another movie I saw over the thanksgiving break was Frozen, Disney's latest installment. Fair warning, I will be speaking about the movie as if you had already seen it, so if you haven't seen it yet you might want to let it pass.
Throughout the course of the movie, Elsa undertakes a journey of self-discovery that traces several different steps, progressing from a limited understanding of self and low interaction with others, until she gains a full understanding of who she is and how to use that to help others. The first stage in her progression is the stage I like to call "I don't want to build a snowman." Having discovered the danger inherent within her abilities, Elsa withdraws from all, even her sister. This is the proto- stage of her development, as she traps herself inside her own fears. This is no better description of this stage than the lines she herself sings in dreading anticipation of her own coronation:
"Don't let them in, don't let them seeBe the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know."
Unfortunately, it would seem that this, the "I don't want to build a snowman" stage, is the stage she spends most of her life in. It is characterized by placing higher value on the opinions of others of her, rather than on her own self-evaluation. This leads to an exaggeratedly high level of self-restraint (well demonstrated by the lack of contact with the outside world). She deals with her problems by avoiding them ("But it's only for today"). In this stage her attitude very much resembles ice: cold, distant, and untouchable.
However, as is wont to happen, that changes. Elsa's life shifts dramatically when her secret is revealed and she runs away, unable to deal with the fact that her control slipped. At this point, she is still in the first stage, her running away prompted by the avoidance aspect of her personality. However, while in the mountains, she progresses to a different stage, one I call "The cold never bothered me anyway."The key to the transition between this stage and the previous one is the realization that other people's opinions and expectations don't need to govern Elsa's actions and attitudes. Again, this phase is well described by her own words:
"It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free"
"Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous!
Ice has a magic, can't be controlled
Stronger than one, stronger than ten
Stronger than a hundred men!"
The irony of the "The cold never bothered me anyway" stage is that, while thinking she is control, in reality Elsa is completely out of control. This is evident from the altercations that proceed from her interactions with Anna, and the resulting loss of control that she experiences as she is taken prisoner by Hans and the resulting blizzard.
Indeed, there was only one thing that could get her to progress past that stage and into the final one, which I call the "Thaw the frozen heart" stage. It was accepting a true act of love. Anna's act of true love was genuine, and because of it she thawed. However, the change wrought in Elsa happened as she accepted that Anna truly cared about her, truly loved her. This forced a(nother) realignment in perspective. Elsa realized that she couldn't live her life aloof from the opinions and thoughts of those around her; that while she didn't need to be subservient to them, she couldn't completely ignore them, either. Her restraint was restored, but to a happy medium. She knows what she is capable of, but also has a more egalitarian approach to life.This is because her sister's act showed her not only that she is loved, but it also thawed out, or unlocked, her own heart so that she, too, might love others. This is what brings about the biggest change in her, and what allows her to exist in this new, stable, state; she has learned to love. In a sense, Anna's act of love thawed out Elsa's heart, which in turn was able to fill with love for her people. She has learned to put the needs of others first, and allow those needs to permeate her existence. She is no longer buffeted about, fearing the judgments of others, nor is she so removed as to give no thought to what those around her need. It is this stage that she finally begins to find fulfillment, as she is able to serve and at the same time come into her own abilities and personality. It was necessary for her to pass through the other stages in order to reach this stage, but the key to reaching the "Thaw the frozen heart" stage was in accepting those acts of love which were done towards her.
 |
| "An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart." A heart full of love will keep the frost at bay. |
This, combined with the thinking about Frozen, and Elsa's progression, made me realize that I am, to a degree, still too much in the "The cold never bothered me anyway" stage. I've probably been in this phase for almost the last two years, and it has probably intensified upon returning home from my mission. And just like Elsa, I was content to be in that phase, content to be "free." I was eager to echo her triumphant exclamation: "Here I stand in the light of day/Let the storm rage on." But I've realized that that's not enough. It's not enough to merely provide for my own needs, to "see what I can do," or to care only about my improvement. In order to accomplish a stable state of being, of self discovery, it is of paramount importance that I learn, as did Elsa, how to make sure that those around me are a vital part of my life. As what happened with Elsa, I have had many demonstrations of love shown towards me this past semester. No one turned into an ice statue in order to protect me from physical harm, but my friends have been invaluable supports to me in helping me get through hard moments, and even just sharing a meal and conversation. Little by little, those acts have been piling themselves up until I couldn't help but notice that for some reason, other people care enough for me to help me out. It's really a humbling realization, because I know that there's no innate virtue of awesomeness within me that just makes people want to be nice to me; rather, there are just some really nice and awesome people in the world (and luckily, in my peer group) who have already learned how to love and have helped to thaw out my own frozen heart.
 |
| Just as Anna's hands show the signs of her love and determination, my life is marked by the efforts of my friends. |
Consider this a public recognition of my best groups of friends that I had the opportunity to meet this semester, and with whom I am excited to return this coming year. As with the doors of Arendelle, I intend to not close myself off to the world again.
As always, thanks for reading!
Friday, December 20, 2013
I hate surprises
びっくりします. That's how to express "surprise" or "I'm surprised" in Japanese.
おもしろくなかった. That's how to say that something was un-fun, or not happy making. These things are pretty related in my head, I'm realizing.
I think we're past all the normal disclaimers about the fact that this blog is just my way of shaping thoughts and getting them into a written form, so that disclaimer will end here.
Short story: today I took my last finals; coincidentally it was also the last day of finals week. As far as my work schedule was concerned, I thought I would only have to work on Sunday and be off for the rest of the week. This, even though I work every five nights, because the calendar/schedule only goes until Thursday. So imagine my excitement when I found out, last night, that I would be working tonight. Now, the events up until now are not, in and of themselves, reason for great concern. Looking at the circumstances logically, I might have imagined that I would work tonight, as it was 5 nights since my last shift. Also, I ended up having no other plans for tonight except maybe getting an early(er) night's sleep. Also, my shifts are in no degree hard or demanding; this is evidenced by the fact that I am composing this blog entry meanwhile. No, the thing that really got me worked up was the fact that this was just not in my own plan for life.
This might be a habit/fixation that I developed on my mission (call it how you will); I feel a very strong need to know what is coming next in my life...and if I don't have something planned out then at least have the assurance that it will be completely up to my decision at the moment. In the mission, of course, the more plans I had the better, but in life outside the mission I'm finding it helpful to have a nice mix of plans and free time periods. It just feels good, having control over my own life, knowing what I'm going to do each day and knowing that, at the same time, I have complete control over whether I end up going through with it or not.
I don't know that I would classify myself as a control freak, because my reaction about break of my control are not huge... rather I'm just left with a sense of frustration and helplessness that gradually weighs me down, bit by bit. All this to get to the point that I don't like surprises. Now, people may say that that's silly, you can like a surprise if it's a good surprise.
No.
That may work for some people (all of whom I can think of, incidentally, happen to be in a movie or tv show, or book), but upon reflecting upon this I realized that I really am better able to get excited about something if I know about it ahead of time. Case in point: For as far back as I remember I've always known what big gift I was going to get for Christmas or my birthday. I mean there's the little stuff, but the bigger stuff is always something I'm generally pretty particular about, so it becomes known earlier on. Which is part one of me not liking "good" surprises: the intent usually doesn't match my expectations. Which is probably why my parents always ask me what I want, because it's the easiest way all around. And on the plus side, I can get in weeks of excited anticipation for my gift, as opposed to the moment of unwrapping something and having the moment to get excited for it. So there's the side of not liking happy surprises, the fact that I won't be able to react well in the moment. However, if there's something I know about in advance, I can get hyped up about it and be properly excited.
Even easier to understand should be my preference to have advance notice of unhappy surprises. Think about it logically; if something bad/unfortunate should occur, is it better to find out in the moment, or find out with time; a week, a month, a year, to prepare yourself for it? I remember the first time I went to EFY; my dad must have told me 4 or 5 months in advance I was going to go. Short personal history: I was very shy as a younger person (0 - ~16 years), so the idea of going to a week long camp with a ton of people, none of whom I knew, was not very exciting for me. But because I had the notice in advance, I was able to prepare myself mentally so that I was actually ready for it when the time came (and of course, it turned out to be an amazing experience).
So that's just some personal info. I don't like surprises. You might be like me in this respect, and you might not. I don't really care. Oh, and here's a video! I found them from facebook (thank the social netwebz), and have fallen in a cappellove.
おもしろくなかった. That's how to say that something was un-fun, or not happy making. These things are pretty related in my head, I'm realizing.
I think we're past all the normal disclaimers about the fact that this blog is just my way of shaping thoughts and getting them into a written form, so that disclaimer will end here.
Short story: today I took my last finals; coincidentally it was also the last day of finals week. As far as my work schedule was concerned, I thought I would only have to work on Sunday and be off for the rest of the week. This, even though I work every five nights, because the calendar/schedule only goes until Thursday. So imagine my excitement when I found out, last night, that I would be working tonight. Now, the events up until now are not, in and of themselves, reason for great concern. Looking at the circumstances logically, I might have imagined that I would work tonight, as it was 5 nights since my last shift. Also, I ended up having no other plans for tonight except maybe getting an early(er) night's sleep. Also, my shifts are in no degree hard or demanding; this is evidenced by the fact that I am composing this blog entry meanwhile. No, the thing that really got me worked up was the fact that this was just not in my own plan for life.
This might be a habit/fixation that I developed on my mission (call it how you will); I feel a very strong need to know what is coming next in my life...and if I don't have something planned out then at least have the assurance that it will be completely up to my decision at the moment. In the mission, of course, the more plans I had the better, but in life outside the mission I'm finding it helpful to have a nice mix of plans and free time periods. It just feels good, having control over my own life, knowing what I'm going to do each day and knowing that, at the same time, I have complete control over whether I end up going through with it or not.
I don't know that I would classify myself as a control freak, because my reaction about break of my control are not huge... rather I'm just left with a sense of frustration and helplessness that gradually weighs me down, bit by bit. All this to get to the point that I don't like surprises. Now, people may say that that's silly, you can like a surprise if it's a good surprise.
No.
That may work for some people (all of whom I can think of, incidentally, happen to be in a movie or tv show, or book), but upon reflecting upon this I realized that I really am better able to get excited about something if I know about it ahead of time. Case in point: For as far back as I remember I've always known what big gift I was going to get for Christmas or my birthday. I mean there's the little stuff, but the bigger stuff is always something I'm generally pretty particular about, so it becomes known earlier on. Which is part one of me not liking "good" surprises: the intent usually doesn't match my expectations. Which is probably why my parents always ask me what I want, because it's the easiest way all around. And on the plus side, I can get in weeks of excited anticipation for my gift, as opposed to the moment of unwrapping something and having the moment to get excited for it. So there's the side of not liking happy surprises, the fact that I won't be able to react well in the moment. However, if there's something I know about in advance, I can get hyped up about it and be properly excited.
Even easier to understand should be my preference to have advance notice of unhappy surprises. Think about it logically; if something bad/unfortunate should occur, is it better to find out in the moment, or find out with time; a week, a month, a year, to prepare yourself for it? I remember the first time I went to EFY; my dad must have told me 4 or 5 months in advance I was going to go. Short personal history: I was very shy as a younger person (0 - ~16 years), so the idea of going to a week long camp with a ton of people, none of whom I knew, was not very exciting for me. But because I had the notice in advance, I was able to prepare myself mentally so that I was actually ready for it when the time came (and of course, it turned out to be an amazing experience).
So that's just some personal info. I don't like surprises. You might be like me in this respect, and you might not. I don't really care. Oh, and here's a video! I found them from facebook (thank the social netwebz), and have fallen in a cappellove.
Friday, November 29, 2013
Who likes hunger games? We do, the capitol.
I just saw Catching fire for the second time today. It's an amazing movie (of course, I'm always a sucker for action movies, as well as movies based off of favorite books), and I encourage everyone to read it. However, some thoughts have been percolating since my first viewing of the movie, which I went to see with some of my friends at college. I include the details of the age of group of my friends because of what we ended up discussing after finishing that first run. What follows are, as always, merely my thoughts, expressed here just as much to have an outlet for giving shape to my thoughts as they are for other people to read them. I'm not looking for argument nor agreement, I merely state what I have been mulling over in my head. Let us begin, then.
The topic we discussed was brought on in part by one of the movie trailers shown at the start of the showing, Divergent. We were talking about why our generation (the current teenagers to 20 somethings) has such a liking for the type of story embodied by Hunger Games, Divergent, Uglies, and so many more? For clearly these stories find liking with popular opinion, for we are seeing not only the movie renditions of them coming out, but also the increase of novels with similar appeal.
Of course, there are many factors to this: the young, independent and empowered (generally female) protagonist which invites us in to experience the story through a possible peer perspective. This is not to be discounted, as it also is a common theme in many other popular books (Twilight, City of Bones, Kane Chronicles). However, none of them have quite the same appeal as the Hunger Games series has garnered. In an effort to explain this, I compare these stories with those of 50 years ago.
If this is, indeed, a question of why our/my generation prefers it, then it will be instructive to look at our generation's experience and circumstance, especially with relation of past generations. Now, being no real historian or anthropologist, and too lazy to do much intensive research for my blog post, I haven't really looked any of this up. Disclaimer out of the way, my concept of the generation of 50 years ago (and the time between then and now) is characterized by "happily ever after." Need I say more than Walt Disney? Indeed, the "disney" plot structure is characterized by the princess, the damsel in varying degrees of distress, who ends up requiring the rescue of the swashbuckling prince. Which, inevitably, succeeded. Viewers were granted the fleeting feeling of danger resolved in safety and, more often than not, true love.
All of this we already know and are familiar with; the "happily ever after" is a tagline and expectation that is increasingly coming under attack in today's society, because of gender roles, political correctness, and an increasing level of self awareness. However, it is not because of these reasons that our current generation is attracted to such a different world. No, the reason is: exploration of our own mortality. This is what I've been working towards this whole time.
In past decades, war, economic uncertainty, and civil strife were large factors in people's lives. Many were unsure whether their loved ones would be alive the next day, whether they would have enough food to survive until next week, or whether their basic rights would be upheld. Thus the entertainment industry, and public opinion, turned their attention to the safety, the certainty, and the happiness contained within that phrase "happily ever after." Their lives, (to generalize), were anything but. There would be absolutely no draw to a world or a story with dark, frightful and uncertain themes. Everyone was already living it; they wanted that which was out of reach.
In stark contrast, the generation of today lives in (not perfect, but relatively superior) a time of peace, prosperity, and plenty. Today our focus lies on the world's problems, because our lack of problems allows us to focus on the problems of others. We worry about the global environment, we strive to be politically correct, and instead of thinking about where we might get food tomorrow we think about buying a more expensive car than the one our neighbor has. It is not my objective to make any commentary on these modern day attitudes, rather to acknowledge their existence. How does this relate to Hunger Games? Well, I'll take myself as the example of my generation. I've never been to war, nor even considered the thought. I've never had to worry about my next meal. I've had professional and competent health care my entire life. I personally have the blessing of having a complete and hale family, that has also supported me in every moment. I'm content with the existing system of government and life, because my basic needs are covered. There's really no time in my life where I haven't gotten something I wanted really badly, because the resources have been at my disposal to obtain them.
Enter, then, Hunger Games. I start reading the book, and am sucked into this entirely strange and compelling world. A headstrong girl whose father died must battle against a government that oppresses and punishes its citizens to keep them submissive. A life of struggling for the next meal, of depending on oneself for any progression in life. And then, the games themselves. I threw myself into the intoxicating Hunger Games, fascinated and appalled by the brutality and cold blooded attitude of these children-turned-killers. Why does this pique my interest so? Because: A) it is so alien to my life and experience, and B) it makes me contemplate my own mortality. Having the opportunities that I do to read a book for leisure and then contemplate it afterwards, I ask myself the questions: How would I react to the same situation? Would I volunteer in place of my siblings? Would I have the strength to kill someone before they killed me? Would I have the mental fortitude and sanity to make it through the games without becoming scarred for life? All of these, in the end, are just entertaining queries, smoke blown away by the warm, prosperous wind of reality. I don't need to have compelling answers to these questions, because there is never a time in my life when I will have to put them into practice.
We, the fans of the hunger games, enjoy the story as just that, a story. An interesting read. A fascinating chain of events. A great "what if?" A sense of vicarious thrill as we momentarily put ourselves in Katniss' shoes and sense the adrenaline running through our veins... all the while laying on our couch eating potato chips and drinking canned soda. But you know, there's another group of people who enjoy the games just as much as we do, and they're not reading the book. No, that's because they are in the book. Yes, I speak of those in the capitol. This caused me to double take when I realized it: the capitol encapsulates us, in the modern day. We have no physical needs that go unfulfilled. We spend our time eating and socializing and generally distracting ourselves from the fact that we have no idea what we're really doing here. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think many people in the history of the world have really known what they're here about, but we're the first ones to actually have the time to think about it. What do you think about when your next thought isn't about the fact that you haven't eaten in a day?
As a society, we are strong. We keep progressing. "Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever." We languish in the environment our prosperity has created for us, allowing the most trivial of pursuits to divert our attention.
However, as people, as individuals, we are lost. We enjoy what our society and culture have bequeathed upon us... and nothing more. Once in a while comes something that upsets the rhythm, that breaks us out of our patterns and habits, and makes us think about who we truly are, about why we're really here. The key to all of this is that most of the time, we don't divert all that much attention to it. We read hunger games, and instead of going into an identity crisis it merely persists as a subtle tickle in the back of our mind. We give it just enough of our attention for it to excite us without really considering the reasons why. Because, were we to really mull it over, it would cause us to take a real look at what we're doing, and why. Which is exactly what President Snow doesn't want for the capitol. So the games are there, and those in the Capitol are just delighted by the show of it all, meanwhile safe with their avoxes and ridiculous clothes and endless food.
For the capitol people, they serve as a harmless diversion. But that should not be what they end up being for us. See, we don't have a dictator over us giving us the hunger games to keep us in check. It truly is a story. The attention that we give to it shows that there is a subconscious tugging at our brainstems, stemming from something in this book.
When I first started writing this post, I was working towards a conclusion of our interest being linked to our fascination with our own mortality. However, now I am seeing that it is much more than all that; while our interest is piqued by the death and uncertainty that is presented in Games, that is not the end of it all. We have a basic human need of self realization, coming to terms with who we are, what we are to do in this strange world, and why we are here, human, in the first place. These books are so interesting because they start us on a path to personal empowerment, to personal peace. By pulling us a little out of our trivial worlds, it gives us the opportunity to step back a little bit more and really get a handle on this whole 'existence' thing.
In our state of luxury and plenty, what we really need is identity. So much of the time that just gets left by the wayside. But Hunger Games, and stories with similar themes, with their death, danger, and courage, bring us out of our routines. They make us reflect on our history, on our present condition, and our future. They make us conscious of the fact that our lives really are so much better than they might be otherwise...and then leave us the chance to continue exploring on our own.
I would encourage anyone who makes it all the way here to ponder their own purpose, their own sense of understanding and identity. I have my own answers, which are unashamedly based squarely on my understanding of God and His plan for us. But I believe that everyone needs the chance to really start thinking for themselves, and on themselves. To seek for those answers. That, in this day and age, is what we as humans most lack, and are most seeking for (even though we may not even know it ourselves). The world of Hunger Games creates an interrupt, shattering the enclosing dome between us and the vast openness that is this universe.
Well, that's the end of my rambling. Prizes and cookie points (like brownie points, but more likely to have chocolate chips in them) to anyone who actually made it this far. As I said, the main reason I write these is to have somewhere to store and develop my thoughts. If you thought my thoughts were worth reading to the end, then thank you :)
The topic we discussed was brought on in part by one of the movie trailers shown at the start of the showing, Divergent. We were talking about why our generation (the current teenagers to 20 somethings) has such a liking for the type of story embodied by Hunger Games, Divergent, Uglies, and so many more? For clearly these stories find liking with popular opinion, for we are seeing not only the movie renditions of them coming out, but also the increase of novels with similar appeal.
Of course, there are many factors to this: the young, independent and empowered (generally female) protagonist which invites us in to experience the story through a possible peer perspective. This is not to be discounted, as it also is a common theme in many other popular books (Twilight, City of Bones, Kane Chronicles). However, none of them have quite the same appeal as the Hunger Games series has garnered. In an effort to explain this, I compare these stories with those of 50 years ago.
If this is, indeed, a question of why our/my generation prefers it, then it will be instructive to look at our generation's experience and circumstance, especially with relation of past generations. Now, being no real historian or anthropologist, and too lazy to do much intensive research for my blog post, I haven't really looked any of this up. Disclaimer out of the way, my concept of the generation of 50 years ago (and the time between then and now) is characterized by "happily ever after." Need I say more than Walt Disney? Indeed, the "disney" plot structure is characterized by the princess, the damsel in varying degrees of distress, who ends up requiring the rescue of the swashbuckling prince. Which, inevitably, succeeded. Viewers were granted the fleeting feeling of danger resolved in safety and, more often than not, true love.
All of this we already know and are familiar with; the "happily ever after" is a tagline and expectation that is increasingly coming under attack in today's society, because of gender roles, political correctness, and an increasing level of self awareness. However, it is not because of these reasons that our current generation is attracted to such a different world. No, the reason is: exploration of our own mortality. This is what I've been working towards this whole time.
In past decades, war, economic uncertainty, and civil strife were large factors in people's lives. Many were unsure whether their loved ones would be alive the next day, whether they would have enough food to survive until next week, or whether their basic rights would be upheld. Thus the entertainment industry, and public opinion, turned their attention to the safety, the certainty, and the happiness contained within that phrase "happily ever after." Their lives, (to generalize), were anything but. There would be absolutely no draw to a world or a story with dark, frightful and uncertain themes. Everyone was already living it; they wanted that which was out of reach.
In stark contrast, the generation of today lives in (not perfect, but relatively superior) a time of peace, prosperity, and plenty. Today our focus lies on the world's problems, because our lack of problems allows us to focus on the problems of others. We worry about the global environment, we strive to be politically correct, and instead of thinking about where we might get food tomorrow we think about buying a more expensive car than the one our neighbor has. It is not my objective to make any commentary on these modern day attitudes, rather to acknowledge their existence. How does this relate to Hunger Games? Well, I'll take myself as the example of my generation. I've never been to war, nor even considered the thought. I've never had to worry about my next meal. I've had professional and competent health care my entire life. I personally have the blessing of having a complete and hale family, that has also supported me in every moment. I'm content with the existing system of government and life, because my basic needs are covered. There's really no time in my life where I haven't gotten something I wanted really badly, because the resources have been at my disposal to obtain them.
Enter, then, Hunger Games. I start reading the book, and am sucked into this entirely strange and compelling world. A headstrong girl whose father died must battle against a government that oppresses and punishes its citizens to keep them submissive. A life of struggling for the next meal, of depending on oneself for any progression in life. And then, the games themselves. I threw myself into the intoxicating Hunger Games, fascinated and appalled by the brutality and cold blooded attitude of these children-turned-killers. Why does this pique my interest so? Because: A) it is so alien to my life and experience, and B) it makes me contemplate my own mortality. Having the opportunities that I do to read a book for leisure and then contemplate it afterwards, I ask myself the questions: How would I react to the same situation? Would I volunteer in place of my siblings? Would I have the strength to kill someone before they killed me? Would I have the mental fortitude and sanity to make it through the games without becoming scarred for life? All of these, in the end, are just entertaining queries, smoke blown away by the warm, prosperous wind of reality. I don't need to have compelling answers to these questions, because there is never a time in my life when I will have to put them into practice.
We, the fans of the hunger games, enjoy the story as just that, a story. An interesting read. A fascinating chain of events. A great "what if?" A sense of vicarious thrill as we momentarily put ourselves in Katniss' shoes and sense the adrenaline running through our veins... all the while laying on our couch eating potato chips and drinking canned soda. But you know, there's another group of people who enjoy the games just as much as we do, and they're not reading the book. No, that's because they are in the book. Yes, I speak of those in the capitol. This caused me to double take when I realized it: the capitol encapsulates us, in the modern day. We have no physical needs that go unfulfilled. We spend our time eating and socializing and generally distracting ourselves from the fact that we have no idea what we're really doing here. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think many people in the history of the world have really known what they're here about, but we're the first ones to actually have the time to think about it. What do you think about when your next thought isn't about the fact that you haven't eaten in a day?
As a society, we are strong. We keep progressing. "Panem today, Panem tomorrow, Panem forever." We languish in the environment our prosperity has created for us, allowing the most trivial of pursuits to divert our attention.
However, as people, as individuals, we are lost. We enjoy what our society and culture have bequeathed upon us... and nothing more. Once in a while comes something that upsets the rhythm, that breaks us out of our patterns and habits, and makes us think about who we truly are, about why we're really here. The key to all of this is that most of the time, we don't divert all that much attention to it. We read hunger games, and instead of going into an identity crisis it merely persists as a subtle tickle in the back of our mind. We give it just enough of our attention for it to excite us without really considering the reasons why. Because, were we to really mull it over, it would cause us to take a real look at what we're doing, and why. Which is exactly what President Snow doesn't want for the capitol. So the games are there, and those in the Capitol are just delighted by the show of it all, meanwhile safe with their avoxes and ridiculous clothes and endless food.
For the capitol people, they serve as a harmless diversion. But that should not be what they end up being for us. See, we don't have a dictator over us giving us the hunger games to keep us in check. It truly is a story. The attention that we give to it shows that there is a subconscious tugging at our brainstems, stemming from something in this book.
When I first started writing this post, I was working towards a conclusion of our interest being linked to our fascination with our own mortality. However, now I am seeing that it is much more than all that; while our interest is piqued by the death and uncertainty that is presented in Games, that is not the end of it all. We have a basic human need of self realization, coming to terms with who we are, what we are to do in this strange world, and why we are here, human, in the first place. These books are so interesting because they start us on a path to personal empowerment, to personal peace. By pulling us a little out of our trivial worlds, it gives us the opportunity to step back a little bit more and really get a handle on this whole 'existence' thing.
In our state of luxury and plenty, what we really need is identity. So much of the time that just gets left by the wayside. But Hunger Games, and stories with similar themes, with their death, danger, and courage, bring us out of our routines. They make us reflect on our history, on our present condition, and our future. They make us conscious of the fact that our lives really are so much better than they might be otherwise...and then leave us the chance to continue exploring on our own.
I would encourage anyone who makes it all the way here to ponder their own purpose, their own sense of understanding and identity. I have my own answers, which are unashamedly based squarely on my understanding of God and His plan for us. But I believe that everyone needs the chance to really start thinking for themselves, and on themselves. To seek for those answers. That, in this day and age, is what we as humans most lack, and are most seeking for (even though we may not even know it ourselves). The world of Hunger Games creates an interrupt, shattering the enclosing dome between us and the vast openness that is this universe.
Well, that's the end of my rambling. Prizes and cookie points (like brownie points, but more likely to have chocolate chips in them) to anyone who actually made it this far. As I said, the main reason I write these is to have somewhere to store and develop my thoughts. If you thought my thoughts were worth reading to the end, then thank you :)
Saturday, October 19, 2013
The weight of responsibility
Okay, I'll admit that this title makes the content of this post seem a lot more serious than it really is. But it is what I wanted to talk about today. in reality, I've been wanting to post this for the past week, but my professors have all decided to have midterms this week, so my life has been consumed by studying for said midterms. I don't have all the grades back, but I think it paid off. Anyways, they've been preventing me from having any time for other things in my life. But never fear, the weekend is here! So let's just skip to the chase:
A little over a year ago, on the Saturday of general conference, I received a phone call late at night. It was my district leader telling me what the transfer changes were to be. I had already been in Hudson for 4 transfers, almost 6 months, and so I was not surprised to find out I was leaving. However, the destination was somewhere that surprised me: Chascomús (click the link to look at the place. Zoom out a bit. Notice how there are no other cities. Zoom out a little further. See how there's still nothing?). I had never been there before, but I had heard it mentioned in the mission. However, recognizing that hearsay is not worth anything, I decided to put on a good attitude about it and hope for the best. Come the following Monday, at transfer meeting, I started talking to the missionaries who had been in that area within the past year. Phrases like "12 people in sacrament meeting" (that's people total, not investigators), "terrible bikes," "expensive area," and an aside from the missionary who I was replacing about how my new companion needed some substantial help with the language, made me start wondering if this was something I was really up for. But that's not something I could afford to spend time thinking about, or it would severely discolor my initial experience. However, it stayed at the back of my mind, as an almost physical weight on my shoulders. I remember very clearly having the thought "so, this is what responsibility feels like." Chascomús turned out to be, indeed, a trying experience for me. I also wouldn't trade it for anything; I know that's where the Lord needed me to be, and where He had prepared for me certain experiences vital to my learning.
Fast forward to a little over a week ago, the date of my last post, in fact. For anyone who took the time to read it, I mentioned how I was told I was going to have to go to Helaman Halls to fill in for an RA who left. Well, that's where I am RIGHT NOW. That's right, I moved in this morning. But in the last week I've had some time to prepare myself for this moment. Let's just start off by clarifying: I've never held any fondness in my heart for Helaman. It's a different style of life from what I'm used to, and change isn't something I've been very good at, historically. But the change was inevitable, much like how my going to Chascomús was inevitable. I've actually had a better transition than the one I described on my mission, but again the thought crossed my mind: "so this is what responsibility feels like."
I'll clarify; this isn't a negative thought to me. It is perhaps a little trepidatious, if only due to the knowledge that: 1) I don't know what's going to happen, and 2) I am now responsible for the well-being of all these guys. It's definitely a sign of my personal maturity; I know that a few years back I would have wanted nothing to do with this level of responsibility. And I can understand that Peter Pan mentality of never wanting to grow up, never wanting to have to accept more responsibility. But God's plan is not very conducive to stagnation. Rather, it is based on eternal progression. Part of the takeaway of my mission is an understanding of why I need to strive for self-betterment. It is because I understand what the ultimate goal is, and am willing to put momentary comfort at risk for that goal. Yes, the burden of responsibility can be heavy. But by bearing it, my muscles become accustomed and eventually strengthen themselves, preparing to lift even greater burdens. So it is with joy that I accept this new stage in my life. I could find 100 things I don't like about it. But I choose to focus on the one thing that really matters: for some reason, this is where God wants me to be. There is something I can learn, or someone I can help, that is part of His plan. There's a reason Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorite scriptures: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding./In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I don't know why I'm here, and ultimately I don't need to. I just need to know, and have faith, that the Lord is directing my paths, and the paths of others. Which I do know.
Well that's all for know. I don't have any fun pictures or videos. Gee, I'm boring. Why do you read this, anyways? Good night! Go take the sacrament tomorrow, it'll be amazing.
Signing off.
A little over a year ago, on the Saturday of general conference, I received a phone call late at night. It was my district leader telling me what the transfer changes were to be. I had already been in Hudson for 4 transfers, almost 6 months, and so I was not surprised to find out I was leaving. However, the destination was somewhere that surprised me: Chascomús (click the link to look at the place. Zoom out a bit. Notice how there are no other cities. Zoom out a little further. See how there's still nothing?). I had never been there before, but I had heard it mentioned in the mission. However, recognizing that hearsay is not worth anything, I decided to put on a good attitude about it and hope for the best. Come the following Monday, at transfer meeting, I started talking to the missionaries who had been in that area within the past year. Phrases like "12 people in sacrament meeting" (that's people total, not investigators), "terrible bikes," "expensive area," and an aside from the missionary who I was replacing about how my new companion needed some substantial help with the language, made me start wondering if this was something I was really up for. But that's not something I could afford to spend time thinking about, or it would severely discolor my initial experience. However, it stayed at the back of my mind, as an almost physical weight on my shoulders. I remember very clearly having the thought "so, this is what responsibility feels like." Chascomús turned out to be, indeed, a trying experience for me. I also wouldn't trade it for anything; I know that's where the Lord needed me to be, and where He had prepared for me certain experiences vital to my learning.
Fast forward to a little over a week ago, the date of my last post, in fact. For anyone who took the time to read it, I mentioned how I was told I was going to have to go to Helaman Halls to fill in for an RA who left. Well, that's where I am RIGHT NOW. That's right, I moved in this morning. But in the last week I've had some time to prepare myself for this moment. Let's just start off by clarifying: I've never held any fondness in my heart for Helaman. It's a different style of life from what I'm used to, and change isn't something I've been very good at, historically. But the change was inevitable, much like how my going to Chascomús was inevitable. I've actually had a better transition than the one I described on my mission, but again the thought crossed my mind: "so this is what responsibility feels like."
I'll clarify; this isn't a negative thought to me. It is perhaps a little trepidatious, if only due to the knowledge that: 1) I don't know what's going to happen, and 2) I am now responsible for the well-being of all these guys. It's definitely a sign of my personal maturity; I know that a few years back I would have wanted nothing to do with this level of responsibility. And I can understand that Peter Pan mentality of never wanting to grow up, never wanting to have to accept more responsibility. But God's plan is not very conducive to stagnation. Rather, it is based on eternal progression. Part of the takeaway of my mission is an understanding of why I need to strive for self-betterment. It is because I understand what the ultimate goal is, and am willing to put momentary comfort at risk for that goal. Yes, the burden of responsibility can be heavy. But by bearing it, my muscles become accustomed and eventually strengthen themselves, preparing to lift even greater burdens. So it is with joy that I accept this new stage in my life. I could find 100 things I don't like about it. But I choose to focus on the one thing that really matters: for some reason, this is where God wants me to be. There is something I can learn, or someone I can help, that is part of His plan. There's a reason Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorite scriptures: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding./In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." I don't know why I'm here, and ultimately I don't need to. I just need to know, and have faith, that the Lord is directing my paths, and the paths of others. Which I do know.
Well that's all for know. I don't have any fun pictures or videos. Gee, I'm boring. Why do you read this, anyways? Good night! Go take the sacrament tomorrow, it'll be amazing.
Signing off.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
hashtag it feels good to be alive
The title of this post reflects my feelings about life at this time. I decided a few days back that if I were to be really annoying about hashtagging I would just put this at the bottom of all my status updates. But I'm not one for annoyance, so I'll just put it as the title of this post.
I decided on this for a few reasons; on one hand I've had a lot of moments in the last few weeks that really just make me grateful to be alive and to be having this earthly experience. Some of examples of that are: going to the temple, seeing the marvelous sunsets of Utah valley, spending truly quality time with amazing people who bolster me up and around whom I'm not afraid to be myself. On the other hand, I try to maintain a positive outlook, and for those experiences where my life isn't completely amazing I remind myself that that is also part of this experience, having to pass through sorrow. It's so I can better appreciate all the truly great things about my life. So when it's 12:30 am and I have just finished the night's shift (roving a few buildings in heritage) and I have to ride my bike back up 9th east to get to my apartment and crash for the night, I remind myself that it really does feel good to be alive. When I get overwhelmed with classes and thinking that I'm never going to pick it up, that it's just going to be always hard for me, I remind myself that I've already learned a ton of stuff this first month of the semester and that I should trust in the Lord's help to get me through a rough day of classes.
I've made a slew of personal life-decisions, in the process of coming home from my mission; deciding what I would or wouldn't do in my life from now on. One of those that I will share is not speeding. That doesn't mean that I never sped, but that I have taken the decision from now on that it is more important to follow the law (D&C 134 and AofF 12) than to follow my own desires for speed or punctuality. Many of these decisions are based on scripture and/or counsel of the living prophets. But this circles back around to the above because, as anyone who followed my letters while I was on my mission, especially in February and March of this year, you'll understand why I made the decision in my life from now on to be happy. Now obviously, it's not something that I can control especially well; I am human, after all. But I decided to change my disposition to a happier one. Thus #itfeelsgoodtobealive is an attitude I am striving to develop. I'd rather have laugh lines than worry wrinkles, when I'm through with it all. One of the greatest helps to me in that respect is the eternal perspective that I continually renew.
It can be so easy to get lost in day to day stresses and worries. Heaven knows that I get enough of that from college. Which is why it is indispensable that I continually remind myself of the real purpose of my life. The knowledge I have of the eternal scheme, of this life and the next, is just that, knowledge. I can think on it, study it, but as a purely intellectual pursuit it ultimately bears no fruit. No, the doctrines of eternity are things that must be studied out in the mind and the heart, borne out intellectually and spiritually. And the spirit is strengthened by constant prayer, scripture study (personally and in institute), temple attendance, church-going, and studying the words of the living prophets. Which is why I took the opportunity this past weekend to go up to Salt Lake City, to the conference center of the church where the prophet of the Lord, along with his counselors, the quorum of the 12 apostles, and other general authorities of the church, addressed the world. They spoke on personal and interpersonal matters, on how to build our faith and that of others. They fed my spirit. And most of all, they reminded me that #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
Below are some pictures from the day.
I think a lot, about a lot of things. And sometimes I fear that if I never record them, they will get lost in the dusty corners of my brain. So that's what I'm mostly going to use this blog for, I think, getting those thoughts out. They're mine, and mostly I come to a realization of them as I ponder on my life and the gospel. Something I was thinking about in the last week or so was missionary work, but more than the work itself, the individual missionaries. I think about them a lot, having been one myself and now seeing so many more go out into the world, many of them taking their first steps and training close by here in Provo. Some time ago a friend of mine on facebook posted a link to an article/book talking about "the fourth missionary." I had come across this idea on my mission; basically it describes how missionaries end up falling into 4 different categories; the first 2 at varying levels of disobedience, the 3rd at an acceptable level of obedience while still keeping his head down, and the 4th as a missionary who really goes above and beyond, who really comprehends that he was called to preach the living gospel of the living Christ, and that the reward is the salvation of souls.
I was pondering on these concepts, especially with regards to the missionaries I knew on my mission (and myself). My intent is not to agree with nor challenge the ideas presented by "the fourth missionary," rather to present a new view of personal development and progression by missionaries in the field. I actually started thinking about this in the last transfer meeting in my mission, before the one that sent me home. Just some background, for those of you who haven't served in la mejor misión del mundo (the best mission in the world): every transfer (every 6 weeks when the opportunity for a change of area/companion came up) all those who were being transferred, and their companions, assembled in the stake center of Banfield (where the mission president lives). There we found our new companions, caught up with old friends, and most interestingly (to me) listened to the testimonies of the departing missionaries. I found a lot of common themes among those testimonies, reflected by the lives of people I know who have already come home from their missions. It is those themes that I want to link together and tie in to my own thoughts:
There are 4 types of missionaries. Each type is determined by the attachment they create while on their mission (hopefully what I mean will become clearer as I continue):
Type 1 is the missionary who never got over leaving home. He is the "trunky" missionary who constantly thinks of home, counts down the days until he goes home, and honestly wouldn't mind that much if the mission president were to send him home early. At his closing testimony, he makes some parting jab about how he is going to be able to do X (watch movies, sleep in, etc.) in two days that the other missionaries can't do for being on a mission. Type one missionaries end up adjusting extremely well at home; too well, some might say, falling right back into exactly the same patterns he followed before his mission.
Type 2 is the missionary who loves the people. He really does. He had a bit of trouble adjusting at first, but then he threw himself into the culture. He walks, talks, eats, and sleeps like the people of his mission. He has at least 2 or 3 families in every area that have adopted him as their son and he promised them all that he would come back to see them... some day. At his closing testimony, he gives shout outs to all of those families that are there to see him, even tearing up thinking about how he won't be able to eat the mamita's food anymore. Type two missionaries end up having a hard time adjusting after they return home; they spend a lot of time communicating with their loved ones from the mission.
Type 3 is similar to type 2, but instead of becoming attached to the people/culture of his mission, he becomes attached to the missionary badge on his chest. For him the return home is equally challenging because his identity has been stripped of him; he doesn't remember how, nor does he initially desire, to participate in the activities of his past.
Type 4 missionaries: type 4 missionaries become attached to the gospel of Jesus Christ. They understand why they're on their mission, and why it is important during that time to be detached from the things they have left behind. They work hard to implement all the things their leaders teach them, not because they're missionaries and it's what they should do, but because that's how they can honor their calling and responsibility to the Lord. These missionaries testify about the doctrine, and have increased in many of their attributes of Christ. When they return home, the transition isn't hard for them because really, nothing changed for them. Their point of attachment, the gospel of Jesus Christ, is the same in their home as it was in the mission field. Their external circumstances change, but they continue steadfast in the path towards exaltation.
Of course, these are types of missionaries. Just like the types within literature, they are not categories rather common themes. The idea is not to say: Elder so-and-so is a type 2 missionary or that guy was such a type 1 missionary, rather to help us be aware of some of the things that happen with missionaries, and how we can increase our devotion to Christ and His gospel.
Again, these are just my thoughts. You may disagree, or agree, or, just not care (based on how many people actually read my last blog post, I'm assuming that the latter is going to be most wide spread). This serves me just as well as an outpouring of my thoughts whether people read it or not.
EDIT: so I started writing this after going to the temple this morning. Turns out to have been the perfect preparation for the rest of the day. I found out that an RA from Helaman just up and left, and so I'm getting recruited into his spot. I've got another week here in the FLSR, probably, and then it's moving again (let's see... my 7th time this year?). There's going to be a lot of change. Past next week, I can't honestly say I have any idea whatsoever what is going to become of my life. And even so, #itfeelsSOgoodtobealive. I just can't shake that fact. When I first got back from the temple this morning, and felt that overwhelming reassurance about the goodness and progression of life, I thought I knew what it was trying to prepare me for. Turns out the Lord knew what curveballs would be coming my way, and so was able to give me the adequate preparation to handle them with grace (actually, the phrase "handle them with grace" is so much more appropriate than what I have time to explain right now). In short: God is good. We are His children. He knows what's best for us, knows that optimal path, and if we just give Him time to tell us it makes all the difference. Miracles are real. The fact that I'm not a stress case right now proves it. Also the fact that I've just been smiling all day, even though it's been rainy and chilly. Some people probably thought I was crazy. And that's why #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
That was long. Sorry! Your reward for having made it all the way through is this video. It has swords. And the avatar.
Okay! Good bye!
I decided on this for a few reasons; on one hand I've had a lot of moments in the last few weeks that really just make me grateful to be alive and to be having this earthly experience. Some of examples of that are: going to the temple, seeing the marvelous sunsets of Utah valley, spending truly quality time with amazing people who bolster me up and around whom I'm not afraid to be myself. On the other hand, I try to maintain a positive outlook, and for those experiences where my life isn't completely amazing I remind myself that that is also part of this experience, having to pass through sorrow. It's so I can better appreciate all the truly great things about my life. So when it's 12:30 am and I have just finished the night's shift (roving a few buildings in heritage) and I have to ride my bike back up 9th east to get to my apartment and crash for the night, I remind myself that it really does feel good to be alive. When I get overwhelmed with classes and thinking that I'm never going to pick it up, that it's just going to be always hard for me, I remind myself that I've already learned a ton of stuff this first month of the semester and that I should trust in the Lord's help to get me through a rough day of classes.
I've made a slew of personal life-decisions, in the process of coming home from my mission; deciding what I would or wouldn't do in my life from now on. One of those that I will share is not speeding. That doesn't mean that I never sped, but that I have taken the decision from now on that it is more important to follow the law (D&C 134 and AofF 12) than to follow my own desires for speed or punctuality. Many of these decisions are based on scripture and/or counsel of the living prophets. But this circles back around to the above because, as anyone who followed my letters while I was on my mission, especially in February and March of this year, you'll understand why I made the decision in my life from now on to be happy. Now obviously, it's not something that I can control especially well; I am human, after all. But I decided to change my disposition to a happier one. Thus #itfeelsgoodtobealive is an attitude I am striving to develop. I'd rather have laugh lines than worry wrinkles, when I'm through with it all. One of the greatest helps to me in that respect is the eternal perspective that I continually renew.
It can be so easy to get lost in day to day stresses and worries. Heaven knows that I get enough of that from college. Which is why it is indispensable that I continually remind myself of the real purpose of my life. The knowledge I have of the eternal scheme, of this life and the next, is just that, knowledge. I can think on it, study it, but as a purely intellectual pursuit it ultimately bears no fruit. No, the doctrines of eternity are things that must be studied out in the mind and the heart, borne out intellectually and spiritually. And the spirit is strengthened by constant prayer, scripture study (personally and in institute), temple attendance, church-going, and studying the words of the living prophets. Which is why I took the opportunity this past weekend to go up to Salt Lake City, to the conference center of the church where the prophet of the Lord, along with his counselors, the quorum of the 12 apostles, and other general authorities of the church, addressed the world. They spoke on personal and interpersonal matters, on how to build our faith and that of others. They fed my spirit. And most of all, they reminded me that #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
Below are some pictures from the day.
I think a lot, about a lot of things. And sometimes I fear that if I never record them, they will get lost in the dusty corners of my brain. So that's what I'm mostly going to use this blog for, I think, getting those thoughts out. They're mine, and mostly I come to a realization of them as I ponder on my life and the gospel. Something I was thinking about in the last week or so was missionary work, but more than the work itself, the individual missionaries. I think about them a lot, having been one myself and now seeing so many more go out into the world, many of them taking their first steps and training close by here in Provo. Some time ago a friend of mine on facebook posted a link to an article/book talking about "the fourth missionary." I had come across this idea on my mission; basically it describes how missionaries end up falling into 4 different categories; the first 2 at varying levels of disobedience, the 3rd at an acceptable level of obedience while still keeping his head down, and the 4th as a missionary who really goes above and beyond, who really comprehends that he was called to preach the living gospel of the living Christ, and that the reward is the salvation of souls.
I was pondering on these concepts, especially with regards to the missionaries I knew on my mission (and myself). My intent is not to agree with nor challenge the ideas presented by "the fourth missionary," rather to present a new view of personal development and progression by missionaries in the field. I actually started thinking about this in the last transfer meeting in my mission, before the one that sent me home. Just some background, for those of you who haven't served in la mejor misión del mundo (the best mission in the world): every transfer (every 6 weeks when the opportunity for a change of area/companion came up) all those who were being transferred, and their companions, assembled in the stake center of Banfield (where the mission president lives). There we found our new companions, caught up with old friends, and most interestingly (to me) listened to the testimonies of the departing missionaries. I found a lot of common themes among those testimonies, reflected by the lives of people I know who have already come home from their missions. It is those themes that I want to link together and tie in to my own thoughts:
There are 4 types of missionaries. Each type is determined by the attachment they create while on their mission (hopefully what I mean will become clearer as I continue):
Type 1 is the missionary who never got over leaving home. He is the "trunky" missionary who constantly thinks of home, counts down the days until he goes home, and honestly wouldn't mind that much if the mission president were to send him home early. At his closing testimony, he makes some parting jab about how he is going to be able to do X (watch movies, sleep in, etc.) in two days that the other missionaries can't do for being on a mission. Type one missionaries end up adjusting extremely well at home; too well, some might say, falling right back into exactly the same patterns he followed before his mission.
Type 2 is the missionary who loves the people. He really does. He had a bit of trouble adjusting at first, but then he threw himself into the culture. He walks, talks, eats, and sleeps like the people of his mission. He has at least 2 or 3 families in every area that have adopted him as their son and he promised them all that he would come back to see them... some day. At his closing testimony, he gives shout outs to all of those families that are there to see him, even tearing up thinking about how he won't be able to eat the mamita's food anymore. Type two missionaries end up having a hard time adjusting after they return home; they spend a lot of time communicating with their loved ones from the mission.
Type 3 is similar to type 2, but instead of becoming attached to the people/culture of his mission, he becomes attached to the missionary badge on his chest. For him the return home is equally challenging because his identity has been stripped of him; he doesn't remember how, nor does he initially desire, to participate in the activities of his past.
Type 4 missionaries: type 4 missionaries become attached to the gospel of Jesus Christ. They understand why they're on their mission, and why it is important during that time to be detached from the things they have left behind. They work hard to implement all the things their leaders teach them, not because they're missionaries and it's what they should do, but because that's how they can honor their calling and responsibility to the Lord. These missionaries testify about the doctrine, and have increased in many of their attributes of Christ. When they return home, the transition isn't hard for them because really, nothing changed for them. Their point of attachment, the gospel of Jesus Christ, is the same in their home as it was in the mission field. Their external circumstances change, but they continue steadfast in the path towards exaltation.
Of course, these are types of missionaries. Just like the types within literature, they are not categories rather common themes. The idea is not to say: Elder so-and-so is a type 2 missionary or that guy was such a type 1 missionary, rather to help us be aware of some of the things that happen with missionaries, and how we can increase our devotion to Christ and His gospel.
Again, these are just my thoughts. You may disagree, or agree, or, just not care (based on how many people actually read my last blog post, I'm assuming that the latter is going to be most wide spread). This serves me just as well as an outpouring of my thoughts whether people read it or not.
EDIT: so I started writing this after going to the temple this morning. Turns out to have been the perfect preparation for the rest of the day. I found out that an RA from Helaman just up and left, and so I'm getting recruited into his spot. I've got another week here in the FLSR, probably, and then it's moving again (let's see... my 7th time this year?). There's going to be a lot of change. Past next week, I can't honestly say I have any idea whatsoever what is going to become of my life. And even so, #itfeelsSOgoodtobealive. I just can't shake that fact. When I first got back from the temple this morning, and felt that overwhelming reassurance about the goodness and progression of life, I thought I knew what it was trying to prepare me for. Turns out the Lord knew what curveballs would be coming my way, and so was able to give me the adequate preparation to handle them with grace (actually, the phrase "handle them with grace" is so much more appropriate than what I have time to explain right now). In short: God is good. We are His children. He knows what's best for us, knows that optimal path, and if we just give Him time to tell us it makes all the difference. Miracles are real. The fact that I'm not a stress case right now proves it. Also the fact that I've just been smiling all day, even though it's been rainy and chilly. Some people probably thought I was crazy. And that's why #itfeelsgoodtobealive.
That was long. Sorry! Your reward for having made it all the way through is this video. It has swords. And the avatar.
Okay! Good bye!
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
So, college...
My life is turbulent. The best example of this is the fact that I haven't played a single video game in the last 4 weeks, also known as 'since the semester started.' My social life, for some reason, hasn't seemed to suffer as much, but it is no longer as spontaneous as it was my freshman year. As Spiderman was told, with great power comes great responsibility. It would seem I'm going through it backwards; I've got the responsibility down pat, but I'm still waiting on the power.
The nice thing is that my classes, each one on their own, are not overwhelming, and were I to focus on one in specific, I would more than excel in that class. However, all of them together present the perfect storm of homework so that I am just able to keep up. The first two weeks of the semester I kept having all these ideas of things to post to my blog, and I'm going to attempt to incorporate them in this post. Also, because my ideas are just boring text, I'm going to include random pictures from my life.
First of all, I have some pretty funny teachers. Some of the quotes from my teachers, which I have been collecting, are as follows:
From my discrete data structures class (a comp. sci. class), professor Giraud-Carrier:
“I’m French, so I’m crazy, obviously, but not dangerous.”
“I can debug your head”
(Talking about sound logical reasoning, even when it doesn't make contextual sense): "Then you fall off the edge of the world. That would be good."
From my computer systems class, professor Roper:
“I feel like a lone man in the garden sometimes during my office hours”
The nice thing is that my classes, each one on their own, are not overwhelming, and were I to focus on one in specific, I would more than excel in that class. However, all of them together present the perfect storm of homework so that I am just able to keep up. The first two weeks of the semester I kept having all these ideas of things to post to my blog, and I'm going to attempt to incorporate them in this post. Also, because my ideas are just boring text, I'm going to include random pictures from my life.
First of all, I have some pretty funny teachers. Some of the quotes from my teachers, which I have been collecting, are as follows:
From my discrete data structures class (a comp. sci. class), professor Giraud-Carrier:
“I’m French, so I’m crazy, obviously, but not dangerous.”
“I can debug your head”
(Talking about sound logical reasoning, even when it doesn't make contextual sense): "Then you fall off the edge of the world. That would be good."
From my computer systems class, professor Roper:
“I feel like a lone man in the garden sometimes during my office hours”
(on Friday's class) “It is date night, so brethren, do your priesthood duty, and come back safe.”
From my Economics principles class, professor Pope:
(In a thought experiment analyzing the scarcity of resources, specifically the air in our classroom were the room locked, and thinking about what would happen): “All the stuff that goes with trying to kill half the class”
(In discussing maximizing utility, drawing a curve to represent maximum utility and commenting on passing that point): “The other side of the mountain is stupid”
“I understand that you all think I’m an old codger” (self explanatory).
These are some of the things that bring enjoyment to my life.
 |
| I went to see Muse in Salt Lake last Thursday. It was that awesome. |
Something else I've wanted to post here was a thought that I had running through my head at the beginning of the semester. I think many people know that BYU is a relatively cheap school. Last time I checked, tuition for a year of school (Fall and Winter semesters) is somewhere around $4,000. Compare that with Harvard's year tuition, which (last time I checked) is around 40,000. And that's saying something, especially considering the quality of BYU. So in my first week I was reflecting on it, and the reason that tuition is so low. Part of the reason is that BYU is a private institution, and thus is funded in part by its provider, which happens to be the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (after saying that name in Spanish for so long, the English variant seems so short). Tithing funds are used to keep this school up and running, and to make it so accessible to everyone who comes here. If you think of it in another way, every student here at BYU is on a scholarship. That scholarship is made up of tithing money paid by every faithful saint around the world. And that scholarship is dependent on each student's continued excellence, academically, spiritually, and preparing to lead the world. It is my desire to make this connection clear to many, especially of my peers here at BYU, because it is so easy for us to get caught up in our majors, our plans, our careers. The reason we're here in the first place is because of the faith and sacrifice of millions of members. That shouldn't be something we write off, something that's "just a church school." People from around the world are contributing to our education. Should we not return the favor, in some way? I can't say I know how I'm going to do that. Part of that responsibility I have carried out, as part of my missionary service in Argentina these last 2 years. But I should hope that the recognition of this fact is prevalent among the student body.
 |
| I love Provo as the sun sets. |
The last thing I wanted to include in my blog (sorry, not very visual today. But I wanted to get these thoughts out) was a question, for people to comment on, either on my blog or my facebook. I've been pondering a question raised from my study of the scriptures. There's a phrase, oft-occurring, that says: "Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight." See here, here, and here. My question, which is open ended, is, what does this mean to you? One would think that the Lord's paths are quite straight. We do read in Proverbs 3:5-6 that the Lord will direct our paths. So what could He mean, upon directing us to make His paths straight? I'd love to hear some of your perspectives on the matter.
 |
| The Greeks believed that Iris, the rainbow goddess, traveled along rainbows. "I perceive that ye are in the paths of righteousness; I perceive that ye are in the path which leads to the kingdom of God; yea, I perceive that ye are making his paths straight." What would the paths of the Lord look like, if they were manifested to us? |
Thanks all for reading. I'm going to try to keep this up, at least on a weekly basis.
-Hakuna Matata.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Let's blow the dust off
So the last time I posted was in April of 2011. Long story short, I went on a mission. It was awesome. I went to Buenos Aires Argentina. Hit me up with questions for more details. I'll probably insert some along the way. I got back a month and a half ago. I start back at BYU tomorrow. I'm excited. And so, I decided to wipe the dust off this thing and get it up and running again.
Looking back at this blog in its first year of existence, it served kind of as an activity log. My thoughts are to change the feel of this blog, and let it be more of an output for ideas or thoughts that I have on my mind. Many of them will probably be scripture related, but I'm sure that as classes start I will be expanding my sphere of learning and will increase my range of topics. Basically this will be my collection of thoughts. I don't entertain any notions that this will have a huge following or anything. But it'll be cool to have a different way to get thoughts out of my head and out .. somewhere.
Let's just do a little "about me" to kick this thing off. My name is Jansen McQuivey, I'm a computer science major here at BYU, the proud stone cold sober school of all America (my motto: have your fun and remember it, too!).
So here's to a bright future, and hopefully a steady blog posting frequency.
Cheers.
-Jansen.
Looking back at this blog in its first year of existence, it served kind of as an activity log. My thoughts are to change the feel of this blog, and let it be more of an output for ideas or thoughts that I have on my mind. Many of them will probably be scripture related, but I'm sure that as classes start I will be expanding my sphere of learning and will increase my range of topics. Basically this will be my collection of thoughts. I don't entertain any notions that this will have a huge following or anything. But it'll be cool to have a different way to get thoughts out of my head and out .. somewhere.
Let's just do a little "about me" to kick this thing off. My name is Jansen McQuivey, I'm a computer science major here at BYU, the proud stone cold sober school of all America (my motto: have your fun and remember it, too!).
I speak English and Spanish, and I'm currently learning Portuguese and Japanese. I like music, specifically piano and voice. I try hard to avoid the nerd stereotype, even though said stereotype finds expression in my very being. So I guess it's kind of a lost cause. Due to that fact, I generally like to think I'm cool, even when I'm probably more awkward than anything else. I love spending time with friends, especially when catching up on movies I haven't seen from the last two years. I love life, but more than anything I love my Savior. I know that there is more to this existence than simply living and dying. I am part of an eternal plan that my Father in Heaven put in place long ago. All He asks me to do is to believe in His Son and allow Him to change my life. Heaven is a real place. It is where God, and Jesus Christ, and all the saints who have gone before me, dwell. It is a real promise to us that we, too, might attain that glory. All I need to do is submit my will to the will of the Father, and allow Christ's atonement to change my life. He lives, having resurrected after suffering and dying for our sins. We have the scriptures before us to teach us of this plan. We have the priesthood authority upon the earth to carry out the necessary ordinances of that plan. We have the spirit to dwell within us and guide us in every moment, given that we maintain ourselves worthy. In short, God, our Father, loves us and wants us to return home to live with Him. What more worthy goal is there to strive for while in this life?
So here's to a bright future, and hopefully a steady blog posting frequency.
Cheers.
-Jansen.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)